muse mail

I am writing this letter because nobody else will probably write the information I am writing right now. I HAVE FOUND AN ERROR! And because I was too lazy to write a letter earlier, which makes me mad at myself because someone else wrote about the second-page staff middle names before I did! And I found it on my own too! I READ IT THAT THOROUGHLY! And I check back every issue to see what they are! I AM SO MAD!! AAAAAA

"Splat*

At this point Kokopelli throws a pie in my face. Sorry. Anyway, in the March 2009 issue, on the contest page, it says: "Your entry must be received by March 3 1 , 2008."

What do you MEAN? Nobody has invented a time machine yet! So it must be an error!!

Sidney H., age 6-days-till-91/2, California

P.S. I am a girl! Sidney is a gender-neutral name.

No wonder we got so few entries for that contest.

- The Editors

Well of course no one has invented a time machine yet. But just wait till March 2008! MWA-HA-HA-HA!

- Chad

Hi, Musei

First of all, I would like to clarify that (drumroll please) Koko is my SECOND favorite Muse! My favorite Muse is Aeiou. She's really pretty, and even though Crraw is the only one who understands her, she's still awesome! I would also like to note that even though I have been getting Muse for a year, there has only been ONE mini-myth (in the July/ August issue). Pretty please with sugar and ice cream make more! My favorite myths are the Trojan horse, Theseus and the Minotaur, and Hades and Persephone.

Even though I don't have a cat, I really love them. In fact I'm (ssh!) making an automaton of a cat under my bed. It's complete with whiskers and claws. Even though it has no fur, it has holographic fur. If you throw this in the FMP, I will be forced to send my two strongtoothed (Patch bit through a plastic stylus!) guinea pigs and my automaton cat to your HQ. My guinea pigs will dig out the letter (letter? Well, e-mail) while my very technology-astute cat hacks into your computers and posts it. Save us the trouble.

Lilly M., age 10, stuck in my little writing sanctum fending off writer's block

P.S. I could be an avid writer, but I'm very writersblockalistic. That means Fm very prone to it.

P. P. S. I know, I know. I had to say it sooner or later: I don't have a robot cat. *is very sad* But that doesn't mean the FMP threat is off. I can use my neighbors aggressive cat.

I knew you were lying about the robot cat as soon as you said it could hack a computer. The only thing I've ever seen a cat hack is a hairball.

-Pwt

So, today I received my copy of the July /August 2009 edition o� Muse. As usual, I began to flip through it. A while later, after I turned another page, I threw my magazine away from me with a quiet, whimpery sort of scream.

Spiders should not be shown that large.

Of course, I don't like seeing spiders no matter what size they are, but pictures of them that are larger than my head? Um, I'll pass, thanks. Now, because of this terrible picture, I keep seeing spiders . . . everywhere. Shortly after picking the magazine up again, I saw a little spider crawling down the side. Oh, wait - only a corner of an ad from the last page. A few moments later - ew, not a spider on my bed! Oh, only a bit of lint. Then, a tickle on my face could it be a spider leg?! No, no, just a stray piece of hair.

I may have to do my nightly check-under-all-the-pillows-andblankets-for-spiders-before-lyingdown thing twice tonight. Thanks, guys.

This spider image has also disrupted my normal Af�i?-reading habits. I can't casually flip through the magazine until I decide upon one of the articles, because I really don't want to see that spider again. I can't even use the contents for my decision making, as you've so kindly placed an unsettling image of the eight-legged horror on that page too.

I sincerely hope that "Web Masters" wasn't something that I would find interesting, because I don't really think I'll be reading it anytime soon. Not unless I get an absurd craving for nightmares or something, that is.

(I hope you guys know I'm sort of kidding. I mean, everything I wrote was true, though a bit extradramatized, but I really don't expect people not to publish pictures of spiders - or even to apologize for doing so - simply because I have a somewhat irrational fear of them.)

Anonymous, age 14, Oklahoma

Gosh, anonymous letter writer, I'm sorry you were scared by the spiders! By the way, if you're scared of ants, too, you should probably not go any farther in this issue.

- Mimi

Of course, if you're scared of exposed, bhody hearts, it's too hte.

- Kokopelli

And if you're not scared of plants yet, you will be soon!

- Feather

To all the good folks at Muse (and, okay, those darkly evil and menacing ones bent on world domination, as well),

Bolivia is haunting me. It all started at a debate tournament. One of my events is entitled "foreign extemporaneous speaking." Simplified explanation: I draw a topic and give a speech on it. I got Bolivia. I had zero evidence (necessary for a speech), and my friend who wins things starting singing "You've got a friend in Bolivia!" (He denies this.) Later, I saw Bolivia on the Travel Channel. Then, to my surprise, on the inside cover of Muse, what did I find but an ad for Faces featuring none other than *gasp* Bolivia!!!