Making the right connection

NZ Business, Jun 2006 by Lampard, Chris

How do you quickly create relationships with clients? How do you build that rapport that leads to more sales? Chris Lampard provides some answers.

Clients make buying decisions with their hearts, not their heads, so building strong client relationships is the key to business success. Sounds impressive, doesn't it? And begs the question: how do I quickly build a relationship with clients that works at an emotional level?

In his book Unlimited Power, NLP trainer Tony Robbins gives an example of how easy it is to connect with strangers. Robbins was relaxing in Central Park, New York, and noticed a man sitting across from him. Without really thinking about it, Robbins began to subtly copy the man's behaviour. At first he sat in a similar way to the man, breathed the way he was breathing and swayed his head a little as he did. The other man was throwing breadcrumbs to the birds and Robbins did this as well. Before long the man came over to sit beside Robbins and struck up a conversation. Robbins continued to mirror the man's physical actions and his voice tone and phrases he used in speech. After a few minutes the man told Robbins that he seemed "very intelligent" and that he felt he knew him better than some people he'd known for 25 years. Not long after this, he offered Robbins a job!

Robbins used the same skill that top salespeople use to win clients.This article tells you the secret of that success. The "secret" is to copy another person's behaviour. The skill is to do it enough so they get the sense you understand them, and elegantly enough so it doesn't distract them. This skill is called "rapport". The main things to copy are speech, body posture and breathing.

Listen carefully to your client. Listen to the tone, speed and loudness of their speech. Listen to the sort of words they use a lot. When you speak, try to match their tone, speed and loudness. Use some of their favourite words, especially "buzz" words and jargon. Building rapport through copying speech is very natural, after all it's how you learnt to speak in the first place.

Have you ever noticed a couple in a cafe who are getting along really well? Have you noticed they sit in the same way and take a drink at the same time? This is a good example of rapport. To build that sense of connection with your clients observe how a person sits, are they leaning forward or resting back? Are their arms and legs crossed? How do they hold their head? Subtly match these positions. When they change position it usually pays to take a breath or two before moving yourself. Breathing is a very subtle and powerful means of building rapport.To detect a person's breathing watch their shoulders, arms and stomach in your peripheral vision. Avoid staring directly at someone's chest, especially if you're male and the client is female! Also remember that people breathe out as they speak.

Practise makes perfect

Rapport is a natural skill that forms the basis of communication. By practising and consciously building rapport you can greatly improve your communication. Practise with people you know well. Begin by copying just one or two things. Slightly understate them in your version. Find the line between what works well and what is distracting.

When it's working well you'll feel a sense of connection and will find you can lead another person's behaviour. You'll also get comments about how easy you are to get on with!

Make a commitment to practise rapport. Leave yourself notes reminding you to do it. I keep a post-it with the word "Rapport" stuck to my phone.

Begin building rapport from the moment you meet new or existing clients. This means you'll create a strong sense of connection during the "small talk"and your meeting will flow on smoothly from there.

During a meeting use rapport to help everyone stay engaged. You can also ease tense or angry situations by rebuilding lost rapport.

In a meeting with a group, work on being in rapport with the most influential person. Similarly, if you're at a large meeting and want to be heard, copy the posture and breathing of the person doing most of the talking. Copying someone you want to emulate makes it easier to be like them. So, now you know the secret of great communication you can easily create a sense of connection with your clients. Which means they will come to trust you, and your relationship will flourish.This is the key to business success. It's also the secret of happiness..

Chris Lampard helps people create more effective relationships. He is an experienced manager and excellent communicator. He runs training courses, coaches individuals and consults for organisations. Phone 03 942 2328 or email chris@thinkright.co.nz.