Aliens go forth and multiply

1 Comment | Sunday Herald, The, Nov 7, 1999 | by Susan Flockhart

BE afraid. Be very afraid. An alien invasion could be closer than you think. The alien babies - gooey, foetus-like toys which have become the latest playground craze - are about to begin breeding, sparking fears of a grand plan to swell their ranks for the new millennium.

For months, rumours have abounded that the creatures, which hail from Planet Kreplach, feed on the placenta-like gel inside their egg- shaped pods, and that on the dawn of the new millennium, they will open their eyes and speak. Some children swore the aliens were breeding like rabbits - a claim cynics dismissed as nonsense.

Until now.

Tomorrow, a new strain of alien babies will invade Scottish shops. And this time, they really will go forth and multiply. Who knows what their deadly mission might be?

Martin Grossman, the creatures' earthbound ambassador, knows more than most, and the Sunday Herald tracked him down.

In a Rutherglen warehouse far, far away, the managing director of toy importers and distributors H Grossman Ltd revealed the latest addition to his company's range: a bizarre alien head which actually gives birth to twin babies suspended in placenta-like goo.

Called the Grossman Alien Birth Pod, the new toy goes on sale in response to popular demand.

"We didn't start the rumours that the toys could breed, grow or open their eyes, and indeed, our products state clearly that they don't. But lots of children asked us for toys which have babies, so we've created one."

Retailing at #2.99, the birth pod is an ingenious contraption. The babies and placental goo are placed on top of the alien head, which is turned inside out around them until it resembles a large egg. Then slowly, the egg begins to push out the babies, in a process which uncannily mimics a real birth.

The pod is Grossman's own invention, which he has patented, following mass-market copying of the original toys he imports from Taiwan.

Launched last February, the craze took off in the north of England, but hit Scotland last September. Without ever advertising, the firm has sold three million of the toys UK-wide and expects to top six million by Christmas.

For H Grossman Ltd, a small family business, the alien invasion has been a godsend, boosting turnover and creating six new staff vacancies. "We're delighted with the products' success. It's the first time I've ever invented or patented a toy, so it's very exciting."

Not everyone is happy. Some church leaders have condemned the toys, while schools banned them for fear the goo could damage clothes. And last week, an alien baby caused havoc on the Essex underground, when it was mistaken for a human foetus and rushed to hospital.

But Grossman dismisses the detractors as "fuddy-duddies". "How can you mistake these for babies? We deliberately don't make flesh- coloured aliens. They're silver, gold and blue - they have pointed ears and stuck-together legs. They glow in the dark, for goodness sake."

Grossman keeps toys at pocket money prices, and has modified the range, adding twins and quadruplets and removing the long umbilical cords in response to parental concerns that the appendage might be something else.

Each pod comes with an explanatory leaflet written by Grossman, recounting the story of the Tzatskis, who hail from the planet Kreplach. There's also a website crammed with messages and stories from young fans.

"Many parents are delighted that their children are sitting down and composing some marvellously inventive stories," says Grossman.