Seeing red at MTV awards MTV AWARDS

Sunday Herald, The, Nov 9, 2003 by Alan Taylor

I KNEW something strange was in the air when the Abbotsford, a howff in Rose Street in Edinburgh, posted a burly female minder on the door.

Her job, I was assured, was to keep out anyone who even vaguely resembled a celeb. In quick succession Kylie, J-Lo, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, Pink and other vamps dressed like hookers were turned away. They were last seen heading for Leith, in the environs of the capital's erstwhile prostitution tolerance zone. There, Ms Aguilera promptly reverted to type, dispensing with her nun's habit in favour of "black crotchless leather trousers topped off with a see- through negligee."

I am referring, of course, to the MTV awards, to which the Hootsmon devoted countless pages, describing it without a smidgin of irony as "much-hyped". Its fashion correspondent, Sharon Ward, seemed to be in a state of hyperventilation as she went into raptures over who wore and ate what. Justin Timberlake, for example, happily revealed that the contents of his stomach included haggis and black pudding.

This shameless attempt to ingratiate himself with the home crowd was gazumped by Sean Paul, whom a young person tells me is "a dance- hall reggae superstar". I have no option but to agree. Mr Paul, who picked up a gong for "best new act", said: "I really am enjoying Scotland. It reminds me of my grandmother. She came from Coventry and there's a lot of greenery there too." Cool!

Fun Boy Three, Jack Jim and Frankie?

TALKING of cool, what about Jack McConnell? According to the aforementioned Ms Ward, the First Minister, in company with cultural commissar, Frank McAveety, strutted his "sartorial stuff" in a new suit from the "upmarket department store Harvey Nichols". Apparently, Jim Wallace, the deputy first minister, "also joined in the fun", which requires an enormous leap of the imagination. Sadly, the divine Ms Ward neglected to say where Mr Wallace purchased his "sartorial stuff". A bijou boutique in Stromness, perchance? Alas not. When it was rumoured that Mr Wallace might wear a kilt, prompting the local constabulary to issue a public decency warning, the LibDem spin machine went into overdrive. He would be wearing a "conventional" suit with open-neck shirt. The racy devil.

McAveety's right behind Scots rock

AND so to Frank McAveety, Meenister for Everything, who told one female opposition MSP he would be wearing "an edible leather thong". Yuck! Yet Mr McAveety is hip. We know this because he insists on telling us so. He has a record collection second only to Radio 1's. In Holyrood magazine, Mr McAveety enthuses fortnightly over his favourite performers. In the latest issue, for example, he drools over Dusty Springfield. Previously, he has championed the likes of Gram Parsons, Elvis, The Who and Big Star, none of whom, please note, is Scottish. Which, for a minister charged with promoting the arts in Scotland, is perhaps surprising. Could it be, as some scurrilous souls suggest, that Mr McAveety is less than enthusiastic over our home-grown pop combos? Does he, in short, believe that the likes of Runrig, Deacon Blue and the peerless Hue and Cry are crap? Not so, says the minister, aghast that anyone would doubt his allegiance. He is, his spokesman insists, an "ardent advocate" of all forms of Scottish music, and is particularly passionate about rock. To prove it, he is happy to endorse three bands whose new CDs he purchased recently: Belle And Sebastian, Travis and Franz Ferdinand. Wicked!

Holloway does what it says on the rapper

LIKE anyone determined to remain at the cultural cutting edge I was delighted that Eminem retained - for the fifth year running - his title as best hip hop artist. The only sad note was that Mr Eminem was not able to appear for the presentation. Meanwhile, at the other end of the M8, Glasgow was confirmed as the hip replacement capital of the universe when the Radio Authority announced that Saga Radio has won the franchise for a new FM station. Among those backing Saga's bid was chart-topping Episcopalian rapper, Richard "The Bish" Holloway. As yet, it is not known whether The Bish will be one of Saga's star attractions but I do hope he will be considered. Things have never been quite the same since Jimmy Savile retired.

In search of JustinTrousersnake

TICKETS were at such a premium for the MTV event that even someone as famous as your diarist could not procure one. I suppose I could have entered the competition on Scotland Today in the hope of winning one but the question - which city hosted the MTV awards last year? - was beyond me, even when given a choice of Barcelona, Biggar or Bathgate. "I know it definitely wasn't Biggar," said a colleague trying to be helpful.

Still, Sarah Heaney, Scotland's premier - only? - IT girl, and Scotland Today presenter, fared little better. Attempting to follow Justin Timberlake into the Opal Lounge, a yah-filled dungeon in George Street, Ms Heaney was knocked back by a gorilla who astonishingly failed to register her sonsie face. Cue what's known among the emotionally fragile as a hissy fit.