In The Middle Of A Chain Reaction; Iain Macwhirter fears A POLITICAL

0 Comments | Sunday Herald, The, Sep 19, 2004 | by Iain Macwhirter

Given the lamentably porous security in the House of Commons and the Scottish parliament, everyone's wondering why real terrorists haven't stormed these bastions of democracy before now. Chechen militants, al-Qaeda, the Real IRA all seem to have given the parliaments a wide berth. Only Fathers 4 Justice, Greenpeace and hunt supporters seem to bother targeting our MPs.

Perhaps real terrorists think our parliaments are just too soft a target. No self-respecting terrorist wants to go to paradise with nothing to boast of to the 77 virgins awaiting him other than that he blew up Westminster or Holyrood.

At least security matters are now being taken seriously at Westminster. So seriously, in fact, that the House of Lords and the House of Commons have fallen out with each other over what to do.

Home Secretary David Blunkett has described the security arrangements in the Palace as "medieval", not realising that for most Peers of the realm, the middle ages are really rather too modern for comfort.

At any rate, it seems to be the last rites for the men in tights. The Serjeant At Arms and his merry men have quite literally been tripping over each other in their attempts to apprehend Eton- educated sons of the soil - like Otis Ferry, the scion of Roxy Music's Bryan, and Luke Tomlinson, polo chum of Prince Harry. Reassuring, isn't it, that Britain's finest private schools are still producing model citizens.

Otis Ferry even had the courtesy to phone up a BBC reporter Luisa Baldini before the Commons invasion to alert the media to their plans. Naturally, the BBC ignored this on the grounds that it might be news. "Another great hit for us," commented the BBC's political editor, Andrew Marr, accepting collective responsibility. No doubt Tony Blair and his crew will be calling for his and Michael Grade's resignations.

But it's just not the British way to get too fussed about security. Whenever pranksters strike, MPs and ministers seem to act as if it were perfectly normal for purple-powder condom bombs to land in the Commons, or countryside protesters to storm the Dispatch Box. They don't even get out of their seats to try to apprehend the intruders. Most just sit there, arms folded. I suppose that's because most members are fast asleep half the time.

Perhaps this could be the answer. Force everyone who attends the Commons to listen to a debate on pensions policy before they are allowed in. Most terrorists would be so bored they would lose the will to act and would, instead, sit quietly with their heads bent forward, like MPs, pretending to be listening.

We need a typically English solution to the problem. New wine in old bottles. Perhaps the answer would be to make Commons protesters part of the constitution; give them a ceremonial role in the pageantry. At the State Opening of Parliament, in addition to Black Rod and Gold Stick in Waiting, you could have Terrorist Rampant or Sun Reporter Pursuivant.

The Commons could even hire a special squad of Crown Pranksters whose job it would be to test security on a regular basis by staging invasions and hurling objects over the security screen in the chamber. Trouble is they would probably want to wear tights like everyone else and turn into chinless wonders recreating It's A Royal Knock-out.

Now, I know I am making light here of a Very Serious Matter, but somehow I find it very difficult to get worked up about the antics of a handful of hunt loonies and super dads. Yes, I know that none of us would be laughing if one of these parliamentary intruders had a pocket full of anthrax or if The Sun reporter who got into Jack McConnell's office in Holyrood had been strapped with explosives. But they weren't. It seems to me that these people are performing a valuable public service in testing the so-called security of these buildings.

Where it does get serious is when we start to look at the state's response to these pin-pricks. There is a danger of over-reaction by over-zealous politicians and policemen. There already are massive concrete blocks placed around the Houses of Parliament, and police carrying automatic weapons are a common sight.

The government seems to be toying with the idea of banning all public movement around Westminster and even having armed police outside the Commons chamber. This government, which has shown authoritarian tendencies in the past, may over-react and turn Westminster into something like Guantanamo Bay.

Only a few years ago MPs would have been horrified to find themselves entering an armed camp. It would have been seen as a capitulation to terrorism. Twenty years ago next month, the IRA nearly killed Margaret Thatcher and half her Cabinet when they bombed the Brighton Hotel during Tory Party conference. You can say what you like about Thatcher, but she didn't introduce detention without trial or seek to turn parliament into a fortress. Nor did the Tories try to ban demonstrations in Parliament Square in 1979 after the murder of Airey Neave as he drove out of the Commons.

In 1996, the IRA detonated half a ton of explosive in Canary Wharf, destroying much of London's financial district, but John Major didn't seek to turn London into a total exclusion zone. The way politicians respond to such crises says a lot about their attitude to civil liberties. It may be hard for the Left to accept it, but the Conservatives have been much more robust defenders of our ordinary democratic freedoms than the present Labour administration.