Neighbourly advice for telly folk MEDIAWATCH

0 Comments | Sunday Herald, The, Aug 27, 2006

AMONG the champers, the glitz and the long toilet queues of the Edinburgh TV festival, who on earth could fail to enjoy themselves? A certain toned, tanned fellow who lives at the east end of Great King Street in the New Town, that's who.

With Channel 4 hiring a townhouse there to host five days of schmoozing courtesy of super-cool London club Soho House, the same chap, who lives next door, was spotted frothing at the mouth at some poor steward over the noise coming from the opening party last Wednesday.

Goodness knows what he will be like four days on. If you see someone writhing around on the pavement today tearing his hair out, reassure him that it's all over!

NO ARTY-FARTIES Talking of the TV festival, MediaWatch caught Friday's opening session, where ITV director of television Simon Shaps, BBC equivalent Jana Bennett, former BBC1 controller Peter Salmon and The Guardian's Emily Bell were among those taking part in a mock-up of The Apprentice. The task? To sell the most goods live on QVC shopping channel.

Early on, Sir Alan Sugar made clear that there would be no route out of telly for the winner. "I would never have any of you arty- farty dossers working for me, " he growled.

Highlights included Bell demonstrating why she is rarely on telly; Camilla Lewis of Talkback Thames flogging diamonds that were actually crystals; and Channel 4 entertainment head Andrew Newman dishing out some of the best lines you never wanted to hear.

"I don't know a huge amount about ironing, but what I do know, a lot of it comes down to steam, " he said sagely.

In the end the boys were trounced, and Salmon was odds on for the push, but it was Shaps who heard the immortal words, "You're fired!" He had failed to take enough responsibility, and Sugar said he was a "hiding behind the bushes type of fellow".

With ITV already hunting for a chief exec, it's nice to know they are in safe hands.

BEEB DROPS A CATCH Meanwhile, BBC News at Ten outdid itself last Sunday by snubbing stories about a British soldier being killed in Afghanistan and the UN warning that Lebanon was in danger of returning to armed conflict to lead with something closer to the heart of everyone in this fine nation - the ball-tampering fiasco during the England v Pakistan test match last weekend. A total of 57 viewers showed their appreciation by complaining, which is a deluge by BBC standards.

Howzat!

OVERPOWERING MCCLUE Over at Talk 107, it was proven that the door is never fully closed as shock jock Scottie McClue began a new late- night phone-in last week.

At the time of the station launch in February, bosses were saying hell would freeze over before he was given a mic. He may have a following, the thinking went, but his patter was such that advertisers are not always so keen to be associated.

Station MD Peter Gillespie insists that at the outset they didn't want anyone as well-known as McClue to overpower perceptions of the station. But now that it is well known, this is not so important.

Wags might translate this as meaning that ratings are so low that anything's worth a try, but we wouldn't dare be so cynical!

UNUSUAL SUSPECTS Question of the week: Why is Big Brother maker Endemol ringing people up, looking for ways to contact Nazi groups and members of the Birmingham Six? Could they be part of the next series of Celebrity Big Brother, we wonder? !