Alan Taylor's Diary

0 Comments | Sunday Herald, The, Dec 23, 2007

"Radio Scotland may not be the pinnacle of intellectual broadcasting we all dream about, " acknowledges one unhappy staffer, "but the producers in features do try valiantly to fight a rearguard action against encroaching inanity."

Top of the unpopularity stakes is Jeff Zycinski, Radio Haggis's Rotund Controller, who left it to a quivering underling . . . the "Editor of Business Change" . . . to inform staff that Queer Street was just around the corner. Meanwhile, Mr Zycinski was blogging merrily away as if nothing untoward is happening.

"We who run radio stations are a terribly shallow lot. Take this week's news about former MSP Tommy Sheridan.

While most people are interested in the legal aspects of the case, I couldn't help but notice that he was arrested while leaving the Edinburgh radio station where he now works as a presenter. The subsequent news coverage gave acres of free publicity to the station itself. Curses! And then, yesterday, this big fuss about BBC Radio 1 censoring the lyrics of the Pogues' song Fairytale Of New York. Never mind the merits of the decision and the subsequent U-turn . . . just look at all that publicity! So desperate times call for desperate measures. I've decided to ban Santa's a Scotsman on the grounds that it contains negative stereotypes about Scotish [sic] people."

There is much more in a similarly puerile vein but nothing about the forthcoming cuts, reflections on programmes, ideas for the future, etc. But, say what you like about Mr Zycinski, where he leads others effortlessly follow.

18-round battle for Balmedie

THE Battle for Balmedie beach rumbles on, with the Allies . . . LibDumbs, Dodos and Laybore . . . all intent on shelling Mr Salmonella until he waves a white flag, which will never happen.

Where, then, will this debacle end? Most likely with Donalda Chump's patience running out and him deciding enough is enough and heading for the clover-strewn pastures of Ireland instead. That, certainly, will benefit Mr Salmonella, if not the guid folk of the northeast who are gagging for Chump's golfopolis.

Should it be lost, the person most likely to pay for it will be Scottish LibDumb leader Nicola Stephen, who come 2011 will have the devil of a job defending his actions and could well lose his seat to the Gnats.

Does Express hold Scotland in high regard?

I AM indebted to allmediascotland. com for the news that Mr Salmonella may have been canoodling with Richard Desmond, owner of the Daily Express, right, and sundry titles of a gynaecological nature, in the hope of persuading him to allow one . . . or perhaps all . . . of his titles to support the Gnats and independence. In my mind's eye I see a top-shelf mag called Strichen Wives featuring women of traditional build in patriotic poses with just a dash of woad to spare their blushes.

In another existence I was given the opportunity to edit the tartan edition of the Express by the then ubereditor Richard "The Monk" Addis. As Gregorian chants played in the background, The Monk talked about Scotland as if Rob Roy were still at large.