Translating governmentspeak . . . this week: Number10. gov. uk

0 Comments | Sunday Herald, The, May 17, 2009 | by JAMES CUSICK

HE communications revolution that we now simply call "the internet" is meant to enhance and mirror the world.

It makes things happen faster, more efficiently; it makes access inclusive rather than exclusive. Number10. gov. uk is the official site of the prime minister's office. It is meant to be the communications centrepiece of Downing Street's new media cleverness.

From this location Gordon Brown's message begins to reach out . From this location clarity reigns, there is directness, all unsullied by forums of interruption.

Believe that last bit and you haven't visited Number10. gov. uk recently. The Number 10 site has turned reality politics into a Pixar promotional fantasy, where any Toy Story character could dwell happily, proclaiming Labour's next election slogan : "To victory . . . and beyond!"

"Sun-lit uplands" is simply too diminutive a term to describe the "Brigabloody-doon" (not my description, but one recently given to me by a Labour backbencher) world that the PM occupies online. In N10gov Gordon Brown is a suave, sophisticated international statesman meeting the Pakistani president, Ali Zardari, as they both help bring peace in Afghanistan just that bit closer. In N10gov the PM meets with his colleagues and creates jobs with a stroke of his social enterprise pen. No matter that the governor of the Bank of England, Mervyn King, is out there rubbishing the chancellor's April Budget forecasts In N10gov there are trainee chefs everywhere serving up breakfast and a billion pounds to spare for jobs for "young people".

There's a new crime strategy, a praiseworthy message for "hard- working nurses passionate about their work for the NHS on Nurses' Day". There are links to a "get it off your chest" campaign to help change attitudes to mental health; there's a link from a picture of Alistair Darling reading a copy of his Budget and a "full analysis" promised. Sadly there's no link to King's D-minus mark for Darling's efforts.

There is the PM "speaking out" about MPs' expenses and how members had to show they were "in politics to serve the public's interest and not themselves".

And, of course, there's the comedy link to the April 21 YouTube appearance where Brown announces his proposals to "overhaul expenses".

Except there has been no overhaul and we're still not clear why many MPs are in politics, or in the government, and nurses don't know what lies ahead when public expenditure cuts come after the next election, and there is no "Budget analysis" worth the name, and a smile and wave isn't going to deal with the basket-case state that Pakistan is rapidly becoming.

N10gov is not a true reflection of the world and the way in which Downing Street is affecting its course. Instead it's become a fantasy world that puts the uncomfortable stuff to one side, and sprays the rest in a perfume that blocks out the stench of parliamentary corruption and a directionless administration being carried along by events now way beyond its control.

Harry Potter had Platform 9 at Kings Cross. Downing Street should at least give us Number 9. gov. uk.