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Independent, The (London), May 7, 2008 by OLIVER DUFF
How to be successful - the General Jasper way!
As Boris Johnson's printer spits out P45 forms for the Ken loyalists at City Hall, we can at least toast the job prospects of that most infamous of Livingstonian appointments: Lee "the General" Jasper.
Jasper, who quit as the former mayor's senior adviser two months ago not because of the police investigations into his business associates, but following the leak of steamy emails he sent to a colleague, is to relaunch himself in the unlikely guise of a life coach for a new private members club.
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For 10, you too can experience "An Evening with Lee Jasper", 6pm tonight at the Executive Lounge, 23 Orchard Street, in London's West End. It will be "an exclusive gathering of successful and upwardly mobile people who want to socialise with like-minded others in luxury surroundings that reflect where we are, at this stage of our careers". As the political blogger Guido points out: in Jasper's case that would be unemployed and attracting the attention of Inspector Knacker.
Jasper resigned after sending messages signed "General Jasper" to married mother-of-three Karen Chouhan, of the 1990 Trust. He wanted to "wisk [sic] you away to a deserted island beach, honey glase [sic] you and let you cook slowly before a torrid embrace".
Tonight Jasper will speak for the first time since he quit, on "Money, Power and the Route to Success". He "will be available for any questions you may have".
The 10 entrance fee includes Caribbean cuisine, a glass of bubbly and a Lovers Rock Lounge afterparty. Honey-glazing optional.
Figgis bumps shoulders with the press pack
Has Mike Figgis crossed to the dark side? The Carlisle-born director, 60, one of cinema's scruffs, was an unexpected presence amidst the shoving of the press pen at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute bash on Monday evening, chaired by Julia Roberts and George Clooney.
Figgis wielded a camera and fought with the media corps to get his precious seconds with A-listers walking the red carpet, among them Tom Cruise, Scarlett Johansson and the Beckhams.
"He did better than us," says one bitter hack. "The celebs were keen to talk with him, especially Kate Moss." Organisers said Figgis was working for "a museum figure".
Figgis did not follow the other luminaries inside for dinner; to be blunt, he wasn't dressed for it.
Huw-ha in the studio
Hard to believe, but news reaches Pandora of raised voices between the head of BBC News, Peter Horrocks, and his Welsh protege Huw Edwards, the thinking man's reader-out-loud.
I hear that News at Ten frontman Edwards was displeased by some aspect of his bulletin's new studio and expensive redesign (spinny red globe). Huw's rhinoceros-like hide momentarily pierced, he began talking without the aid of the autocue, grumbling away on set about the changes - unaware that boss Horrocks could hear him.
Horrocks bounded in for a confrontation. "Huw stood there making fish shapes with his mouth while Peter put him back in his box," says a chuckling mole. "Peter told him that more than enough was already done to help him get on with his job.
"Huw suddenly wanted to talk about it outside but Peter carried on. Huw is bumptious and it came not before time." Sometimes polymaths have to fight the hardest to be recognised.
Wax on, wax off
Why the cretinous behaviour from Madame Tussauds? The waxworks museum has been piggybacking on the PM's negative publicity. Two months ago Tussauds said it would not commission a model of Gordon Brown because he had not won an election. But it emerged the gallery had actually sent Downing Street a letter begging the PM for a sitting. Following that duplicity, No 10 ignored overtures, leading Tussauds general manager Edward Fuller to yesterday throw another bucket of shit at Gordo: "Reflecting on Labour's results in the local elections, guests are split about whether we should feature Mr Brown at all."
Further to last week's story on Labour's fundraising party at Wembley Stadium: the shadow sports minister Hugh Robertson received an assurance from FA chief exec Brian Barwick that the FA would not contribute financially and that Labour is to be charged the full hiring rate.
Jack and the typewriter
Now boys, be nice. We have a new member of the parliamentary typing pool. Check out those cute buckled kitten heels, the foxy silk tights, such delicate pins... Why! It's the Rt Hon Jack Straw!
Mr Straw's secret secretarial talents are revealed by Kate "bonkers" Hoey ( Brian Paddick) in this week's House magazine. Hoey, writing the diary, claims to have been surprised to hear, two days before the election, that Boris wanted her to enter his "glass testicle of all the talents" as a sports adviser. She was naturally taken aback to be summoned to see the Chief Whip, Geoff Hoon.
It was, "honestly", she says, an amicable meeting. Over coffee they decided to issue a statement of clarification - helped by the Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain, Jack Straw, who "moonlights as a typist" and just happened to be passing.
