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Tired and lonely gorilla is an endangered species
Independent, The (London), May 8, 2008 by SIMON CARR simoncarr@sketchsc
THE SKETCH
But everything the poor fellow does now will be mocked, discounted and twisted (see below). If he puts his hand over his eyes in a public meeting, a storm of flash guns will go off and the next day's headlines will blaze: "He just can't face it!"
Yesterday, when the Speaker interrupted the proceedings, he started to sit down, stopped half way, then almost completed it before rising again. "Look now," we jeer, or I jeer if you don't want to, "He can't even sit down decisively!"
When he responded to a question about credit-crunch anxiety, he said: "It is right that householders are suffering." He meant: "You are correct to suggest that..." but it came over for a moment as "Householders damn well deserve to suffer, and fuel needs to be that high, it's a price worth paying!".
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He says he "relishes taking the fight to the Conservatives" but his key messages are for teenagers:
1) There is no substance in everything (sic) the Conservatives say;
2) David Cameron has absolutely nothing to offer the people of this country;
3) The Government delivers and the Opposition just talks!
The first two aren't true, and the third is a statement of life in a parliamentary democracy. If these are the only shots in his locker he'll have trouble making it through the summer. Remember how scratchy Blair used to get in July? He was tired but he was on top. Brown is drained but even his days are full of nightmares. There's the Crewe by-election (people in the lobby think the Tories will win it). Then 42 days' detention; he'll lose that, surely, if people do the right thing. The 10p imbroglio was solved in a stroke yesterday by the Commons' favourite tax geek, David Taylor - but still the Treasury dithers and the PM refuses to say the soothing words that will solve the problem for once and for all. Why?
The jibes came one after other. A Tory asked for a meeting with the PM. "Get in the queue!" a backbench Labour heckle made everyone laugh. The impunity was new.
Nigel Evans mentioned the poll showing that 55 per cent of Labour supporters say they want him gone. And Bendy Wendy's unilateral declaration of independence came up - she has defied Gordon's instruction on the Scottish referendum. The big tent is emptying. "They flee from me who sometime did me seek."
Cameron played it all very well, incidentally. Not crowing or gloating, he let his voice drop quietly on occasion, to show he could. He was trying on the prime ministerial mantle (it nearly fits). The PM's greatest disability plays into this most vulnerable time for him. Whatever his public virtues, he is suffocatingly boring. When he speaks, people gasp for air. Cameron, by contrast, still has a Bollinger fizz about him.
By even greater contrast, Boris (he was in yesterday, huge cheer).
People want to touch him. They pat and stroke him. Elfyn Llwyd called him "Boris" in a question. Voters lean in to listen to him to hear what he has to say.
Brown was saying things voters strenuously avoid hearing. His reply to Michael Mates' request for evidence to support the 42 days extension was so bad it might have ended his premiership right there, but he'd already euthanised the House. He said things about small to medium-size enterprises and affordably sustainable targeted assistance... And you will say this is good, worthy and useful, but all I heard was cones. The Conehead PM sketch will have to wait for another day.
One other thing you would have seen more clearly than we did in the gallery. He looked quite composed from 50 feet. But glancing at a TV screen on my way out there was a glimpse of a terrible reality. He was listening to the Home Secretary's statement. His eyes were staring down at 45 degrees, unseeing. There were welts underneath them. His lower lip jutted, his face was swollen. He looked like one of those lonely gorillas in a zoo. Huge. Depressed. Alone.
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