I was raped .. and kept the baby

0 Comments | Sunday Mirror, Nov 28, 2004 | by RUTH WILKINSON

AT first sight the Gemmen family look like a perfect picture of multi-racial harmony.

Mum Heather and Dad Steve, are white and their natural children Chad, 14, and Simon, 10, live happily with adopted son Deshawn, 15, and youngest daughter Rachel, eight, who are both black.

The smiles and the family unity are genuine - but behind this happy picture lies a traumatic tale of how overwhelming love has overcome the most horrifying ordeal.

For Rachel's father was a brutal sex attacker who broke into the family home and raped Heather, 33, at knifepoint in her own bed.

No one would have blamed her if she had an abortion. Many rape victims do just that because they can't face bearing or bringing up the child of a man who defiled them.

But when Heather realised she was pregnant after the rape, she and Steve, 35, took the courageous and difficult decision to keep the baby - who has now grown into a daughter they plainly adore.

"I look at my darling girl, and no, she doesn't remind me of what happened on that terrible night," says Heather. "In fact, quite the opposite. She reminds me of what startling beauty can emerge from such utter ugliness."

After Heather's rape, news of her ordeal quickly spread through their closely-knit community in Michigan, Colorado. Many neighbours couldn't imagine why she had kept the baby. "Some people just didn't understand, others were plain shocked," says Heather.

"But when she was in my womb and I thought about her tiny, toes and round soft belly, I couldn't do it.

"We talked about adoption and even found friends who couldn't have children who would take the baby - then we changed our minds. Deep down, I knew I couldn't give her away - and so did Steve. One day he pulled me into his arms and said, 'This is our baby'. At that moment they shared their first kiss since the attack.

"Right from the start, we understood it was not going to be easy to be white parents giving birth to a black child." says Heather. "When I went into labour, I had to warn the midwife what to expect - just so she wasn't taken by surprise.

"And we had difficult times when she was a baby. People assumed we were just looking after her. I was breast-feeding, and when I nursed her in public I would get strange looks."

When Rachel was still a toddler, the couple adopted Deshawn, the son of black friends who were struggling to cope. "We're a pretty mixed group," said Heather, who works in publishing and has told the family's remarkable story in a new book, Startling Beauty.

"People can't resist pushing for answers. They'll say: 'Wow, are these all your kids?' I just tell them it's a long story. I'm not embarrassed any more. I'm proud of what we have become.

"Rachel's older brothers adore her. They have their squabbles like any kids do, but race is never, ever an issue with them.

"Simon went on a school trip recently and took one of her scarves with him, just so he had something to remember her by."

As Rachel grew up, the couple knew they had to tell her the truth. "When she started to recognise differences, she would ask me: 'Mummy, why am I not white like you?' and I would tell her that colour didn't matter, because she was just beautiful.

"Then, when Deshawn arrived four years ago, his presence helped her to develop her own sense of identity. We adopted him from friends who were struggling and we could give him a better life. It wasn't the idea that we wanted another black child to keep Rachael company in some way.

"But it's a bonus we never expected that Deshawn has helped her feel less different. She's growing into a compassionate, sweet girl. Everyone who knows her is won over."

In the end, Heather says her husband Steve is the only person who had any right to question Rachael's existence."I was rocking her to sleep one evening, and Steve was watching. I told him 'Thank you for being such a good Dad to her', and he just replied: 'She's my girl... what else would I do?'"

Startling Beauty, by Heather Gemmen, is published by Kingsway Communications, at pounds 6.99.