The Northern Whag: Death of satire

Sunday Mirror, Aug 28, 2005

NORTHERN Ireland's last remaining satirist has finally admitted defeat and called it a day after realising that "you just can't make it up anymore".

The dispirited humorist said: "In the good old days people like Dean Swift could come up with outrageous allegories but present day politicians in Northern Ireland always somehow manage to trump satire with reality.

"What can you do when Bible thumping DUP members take the phrase 'bashing the bishop' too literally, and it is the Provos who are most vociferous in demanding the return of Stormont?"

In response the Northern Ireland Office has established a new quango called Ofsat, through which all political statements and policies must first be cleared before release to the general public.

Grossly stupid, ironic and fatuous comments will be censored in order to ensure that the profession of Northern Irish piss-taker doesn't go the same way as the civilian searcher or rear-gunner on a milk float.