The day the auditions blue into San Francisco

0 Comments | Oakland Tribune, Nov 14, 2006

IT'S NOT EASY being potentially blue.

And not particularly popular either, at least not Monday in San Francisco where only about 30 people showed up for the Blue Man Group casting call because everyone else in the world apparently had the blues of the Monday morning persuasion and stayed in bed even though it was noon. And then it rained.

"Geez, I thought this would be like 'American Idol,' and people would be wrapped around the block," one Blue hopeful said as he waited with the 29 other wannabe Blue Men and one woman in a small, inappropriately titled "green" room at the Off-Market Theatre, which is so off Market that it's on Mission.

"Not that I mind,'cause it's less competition," he said. "But this is San Francisco, for (off-color word)'s sake. I thought it would be churning out the freaks."

And on that front, San Francisco did not totally disappoint. Self- described freak Milo Harkness-Smith, 23, wants to be a Blue Man, basically because he has nothing else to do. "I'm actually a homeless bum right now," said the neatly bearded, artsy-looking young man who lives in a shoe. Hah! No, that would be silly. A hole, actually.

"I'm originally from Dallas, but now I live in a hole by Sutro Tower that I dug out myself."

Really?

"Yeah."

Oh.

There is no newspaper delivery to Milo's hole, so friends cut the audition ad out for him, certain he was perfect for the role. "I guess they think I'm a little more hyperactive than everyone else. And what could be better than whooping it up like a party for a living? Even if I don't get this gig, I'm gonna do something like that in life."

You whoop, Milo.

Now I can't say this lack of Blue interest was because Blue Man Group -- known to zealous fans as BMG, which would probably make them zealous BMGFs -- is not popular anymore. Quite the contrary.

The frenzied performance-art schtick of three silent bald-and- blue guys who beat on stuff with PVC pipe, generally freak out on stage and spew things out of their mouths such as marshmallows and paint balls has been around for a while. It started in the late 1980s with three NYC street performers named Chris, Matt and Phil (CMP to the BMGFs). But BMG has since has expanded to a near BME (Blue Man Empire), which includes some 60 groups of BM who perform in red-hot sold-out stage shows all over the U.S. and beyond.

There is BMM (Blue Man Merchandise) such as DVDs, T-shirts, ringtones and even a BMG keyboard -- available at Sears, no less. BMG references are on "The Simpsons." And a permanent show plays at the Venetian in Las Vegas. So there's an ongoing search for new Blue talent.

Yet, fun as the show is, being Blue is serious business. For one thing, applicants -- men or women -- have to meet the height requirement of 5 foot 10 to 6 foot 1. I, therefore, cannot be Blue, and that is SO not fair! It's not like I'm freakishly small or anything. Just smaller than that. And so maybe I can't reach the top shelves in Safeway. So what?

Those of the right height must then be willing to be "egoless and genderless," according to the casting information. And there are suggested reading and viewing materials to prep for the audition, such as "100 Years of Psychotherapy," "Being Digital" and for some reason "Moby Dick."

Such steps seemed a little extreme for Monday's audition, however, which went by faster than you can say "Nothing at all."

Five candidates at a time were led into a room with a small stage, a black velvet curtain and three stage lights. Two were blue. The lights, not the candidates.

There was a drum stand with drumsticks, and prospective Blue Men were told to repeat a rhythm tapped out by one of the professional drummers. "Pretend this is your debut," the casting director said. "It's opening night. You're there. And you're Blue."

The drummer tapped. They repeated. That was it. Next!

Bryan Smith, 26, a music teacher, was kind of bummed because he came all the way from Reno. Milo went back to his hole. (He's too tall, anyway.)

If called back, however, there's much, much more. Acting auditions. A two-day workshop with more casting people, trainers, actual performing Blue Men, a rehearsal team, and finally a "Bald and Blue" presentation to a panel of directors. Sheesh. Who knew?

And here I wore my spiffy new electric blue turtle neck in honor of the occasion and everything. But nobody noticed. Nobody cared. Surely these people were color blind.