Ask Amy: Hostile Home Unhealthy for Daughter

0 Comments | Oakland Tribune, Jun 25, 2009 | by Amy Dickinson

DEAR AMY: I am a 43-year-old with a 13-year-old daughter from my first marriage.

I currently have custody of my daughter pending the outcome of a Child Protective Services investigation in which my daughter has accused her stepfather of sexual abuse.

We are going through the courts and I expect to be granted full custody.

I have been divorced from her mother since 2001 and have been remarried for five awesome years to a great woman with a 21-year- old daughter. My daughter and wife have always gotten along well, and my wife seemed to adore her.

My daughter has now lived with us for three weeks. My wife has given her a very cold reception and accused her of lying about the sexual assault. My wife and I have been arguing and it's been awful.

Now my daughter says she knows she is not wanted and has repeatedly asked to live with her grandparents.

I am trying to see my wife's side. She says I knew she didn't want any more kids and wasn't prepared to raise someone else's child.

I told her I am doing what any father would do.

My wife hasn't spoken to my daughter in more than a week.

I think our next major discussion will be divorce proceedings, but should we try to stay together? -- Somewhere in Virginia

Dear Somewhere: Your family needs professional intervention immediately. There is a possibility that you and your wife could work this out, but given her extreme behavior and complete selfishness regarding your daughter, I have doubts.

There aren't three sides to this story -- there is only one, and that is the story of a child struggling and the adults who must try to help her.

I give you credit for working so hard to do the right thing. Unfortunately, the atmosphere in your own home is toxic; in my view, your daughter should stay with her grandparents for now -- or your wife should leave the home, temporarily.

You should not have your girl in the home as long as your wife is hostile, accusatory and neglectful.

Your daughter should receive regular, specialized counseling and you and your wife should go together.

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