Ask Amy: Planning Second Wedding is Just as Stressful

0 Comments | Oakland Tribune, Nov 7, 2009 | by Amy Dickinson

DEAR AMY: I am a 28-year-old divorced mother of one. Six years ago, I was married in a traditional wedding ceremony that included a 200-person reception, white dress and all the extras. The marriage lasted just two years.

I now have a boyfriend who has never been married. We talk a lot about a future together, and I believe he's the one.

The problem? He wants a big, traditional wedding, and I think that is tacky because I have been married before.

I do understand that he hasn't been, and I don't think it's fair that he suffer because of my past. Is it OK for us to have a big second wedding?

What about the color of my dress? (I have told him it would have to be cream, but he says he wants white.)

Can I tell my relatives and friends that I do not want gifts, leaving the gift-giving to his side?

This is confusing to me. -- Second Time Around

Dear Second Time: It's fine and fun to have a big second wedding.

You may not, however, ask one group of guests to bring gifts and another group of guests not to bring gifts. Also, you (not your guy) should decide on the color of your dress.

Wedding planning offers a grand opportunity for you and your guy to talk, negotiate and design the ideal way to join your two families.

You shouldn't be bound by too many rules as you contemplate your second wedding, but you must be mindful that you are planning a future together that includes a child. Your child will be the most important person at the ceremony.

Dear Amy: I can't believe what some parents expose their children to.

I was in New York City and attended a production of "Hair."

We all know this show has nudity and sexual content.

I was appalled to see young children (ages 5-6 and 11-12) with their parents attending this show.

Even if parents view the naked body as no big deal, I feel these children were not old enough to understand this show. I am wondering what kind of effect this show would have on these children.

Am I being too much of a prude, or were they out of line? -- Can't Believe Parents!

Dear Can't Believe: This is from a review of "Hair": "No stage can contain the hormone-stoked exuberance of those who inhabit it, whether they're yipping, unzipping or tripping, both merrily and scarily."

This doesn't sound appropriate for young kids, but then the actual, non-stage version of the 1960s wasn't really appropriate for kids, either.

Would seeing this musical permanently damage young children? I don't think so.

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