Mother's advice very helpful

Topeka Capital-Journal, The, Jul 24, 2003 by Capital-Journal

ANN MARIE

BUSH

It was hard to do, but I packed up my 2-month-old daughter's diapers, changes of clothes, bottles, blankets and tiny socks, along with the rest of the house and the needed paperwork, and sent her off to day care.

I have been on maternity leave for the past eight weeks. Last week was my first week back at work.

I can't tell a fib --- I cried. I cried as I put all of her tiny items into a tidy pile to ship off with her. I cried as I put her to bed the night before I had to go back to work. I cried as I nursed her that morning, and I cried as my husband loaded her up into the car.

It isn't that I dislike our day care provider. I love her. She made the transition back to work with my 2-year-old son easy. I have nothing against women or men working and sending their children to day care. I really respect day care providers.

It isn't that I dislike my job. I enjoy meeting new people and getting the chance to tell their stories.

Maybe it's because this is my precious girl. Or perhaps it's because this will probably be my last child.

No matter how you look at it, it was hard.

I thought about being a stay-at-home mom, but I knew I'd miss my career and the extra income.

Now it's the beginning of juggling two kids, a career, a photographer husband, animals, family and friends. So far, I can't say it's been an easy transition. I have moments when I think it's all going to come apart. Then, it falls into place.

The things that have made it easier are the smiles I get from my daughter and son when I pick them up at night and the support from family and friends. But most of all it was a comment that my mother made to me by phone the night before I headed back to work. She told me she had been thinking about me and couldn't sleep.

"I know it's going to be hard on you," she said. "I know you're going to miss them, but they'll always need you. It doesn't matter if they're 2 months, 2 years or 16. She'll need you when it's time to pick out dresses for prom or for graduation. He'll need you when he has to pick out a gift for his first girlfriend

"Right now, other people need you, too. They need you to help tell their stories. Think about the woman who has just opened her own shop or the retired man who has a niche for gardening. Tell their stories and enjoy your career, along with your kids."

Hearing my mother say that was strange, to say the least. She was a great stay-at-home mother. She cheered us on at sporting events, baked cookies and went on field trips. She mowed the yard, mended the fences, was a room mother, served on city council and and took care of her ailing father. She still wakes up at 6 a.m. to get my father off to work, calls me every other day, e-mails me just to say "hi" and mows the yard. On top of that, she takes care of my grandmother and anyone else who needs her.

A career, I thought, was the furthest thing from her mind. Mom did work part-time jobs for a few years. She worked in a retail store and even dabbled in running a grocery store in my hometown. I remember being upset with her when she had to work on the day I was getting ready for my senior prom. She wasn't there to help me get dressed or pin up my hair. I remember being upset with her when she didn't play a huge role in helping me prepare for my wedding (she lives out of town).

But when I look back, she's been there when I needed her the most. She did walk me down the aisle and helped me move from Topeka to southwest Kansas right after the wedding. She was there the day my son was born, and she was in the operating room when Tehya was born in May. But most of all, her words of wisdom were there when I packed up my tiny daughter's items for day care.

She's right. I'll always need her.

So, here I am. I'm here to help you tell your story. If you have a story idea about interesting people, new shops or restaurants, sporting events or anything else, let me know. I need you, too, to make Southwest Neighbors a product about your neighborhood and your neighbors.

Ann Marie Bush can be reached at

(785) 295-1207 or ann.bush@cjonline.com.