Mother's advice very helpful

Topeka Capital-Journal, The, Aug 8, 2003 by Capital-Journal

ANN MARIE BUSH

It was hard to do, but I packed up my 2-month-old daughter's diapers, changes of clothes, bottles, blankets and tiny socks, along with the rest of the house and the needed paperwork, and sent her off to day care.

I have been on maternity leave for the past eight weeks. I just returned to work a few weeks ago.

I can't tell a fib --- I cried. I cried as I put all of her tiny items into a tidy pile to ship off with her. I cried as I put her to bed the night before I had to go back to work. I cried as I nursed her that morning, and I cried as my husband loaded her up into the car.

It isn't that I dislike our day care provider. I love her. She made the transition back to work with my 2-year-old son easy. I have nothing against women or men working and sending their children to day care. I really respect day care providers.

It isn't that I dislike my job. I enjoy meeting new people and getting the chance to tell their stories.

Maybe it's because this is my precious girl. Or perhaps it's because this will probably be my last child.

No matter how you look at it, it was hard.

I thought about being a stay-at-home mom, but I knew I'd miss my career and the extra income.

Now it's the beginning of juggling two kids, a career, a photographer husband, animals, family and friends. So far, I can't say it's been an easy transition. I have moments when I think it's all going to come apart. Then, it falls into place.

The things that have made it easier are the smiles I get from my daughter and son when I pick them up at night and the support from family and friends. But most of all it was a comment that my mother made to me by phone the night before I headed back to work. She told me she had been thinking about me and couldn't sleep.

"I know it's going to be hard on you," she said. "I know you're going to miss them, but they'll always need you. It doesn't matter if they're 2 months, 2 years or 16. She'll need you when it's time to pick out dresses for prom or for graduation. He'll need you when he has to pick out a gift for his first girlfriend

"Right now, other people need you, too. They need you to help tell their stories. Think about the woman who has just opened her own shop or the retired man who has a niche for gardening. Tell their stories and enjoy your career, along with your kids."

Hearing my mother say that was strange, to say the least. She was a great stay-at-home mother. She cheered us on at sporting events, baked cookies and went on field trips. She mowed the yard, mended the fences, was a room mother, served on city council and and took care of her ailing father. She still wakes up at 6 a.m. to get my father off to work, calls me every other day, e-mails me just to say "hi" and mows the yard. On top of that, she takes care of my grandmother and anyone else who needs her.

A career, I thought, was the furthest thing from her mind. Mom did work part-time jobs for a few years. She worked in a retail store and even dabbled in running a grocery store in my hometown. I remember being upset with her when she had to work on the day I was getting ready for my senior prom. She wasn't there to help me get dressed or pin up my hair. I remember being upset with her when she didn't play a huge role in helping me prepare for my wedding (she lives out of town).

But when I look back, she's been there when I needed her the most. She did walk me down the aisle and helped me move from Topeka to southwest Kansas right after the wedding. She was there the day my son was born, and she was in the operating room when Tehya was born in May. But most of all, her words of wisdom were there when I packed up my tiny daughter's items for day care.

She's right. I'll always need her.

So, here I am. I'm here to help you tell your story. If you have poetry, calendar events, story ideas or anything else, let me know. I need you, too, to make Kansas Plus a great product.

Ann Marie Bush can be reached at

(785) 295-1207 or ann.bush@cjonline.com.

A lot can happen in 10 years, and I was witness to this a few weeks ago when I attended my 10-year high school reunion.

My graduating class was small, so when only 15 to 20 people showed up for the event, I wasn't surprised. But it was so good to see those people.

It was fun to see that our quiet, smart class president had slimmed down, shaved his head, tattooed his arm and started a career as a chef in Kansas City.

Some people hadn't changed at all. The long-haired drummer is now playing in a band in Tennessee and one of the most popular outgoing girls is still, well, popular, cute, nice and outgoing.

As expected at many class reunions across the country, some of the most popular people were no-shows.

Some of the people that teased me the most in middle school didn't show up. I'm not afraid to admit that I wasn't the most popular student in those awkward middle school years. I had a gaggle of girls I ran around with, but we weren't in the "popular crowd."