Compromise has a nice ring to it

Topeka Capital-Journal, The, Aug 18, 2008

Dear Abby: I despise wearing rings, which is a problem because I plan to become engaged. I am OK with a plain wedding band, but baubles on appendages interfere with useful work and creativity, and they turn me off.

I have an expensive heirloom ring I would gladly give to my lady if she would keep it in the safe deposit box where it belongs. I don't want to insure it, deal with it if she loses it, or know I caused her to be injured if a thug tried to steal it. If I give it to her, she will want to wear it. She doesn't need an ornament to prove she is special or loved.

What can I use in lieu of an engagement ring? The thought of a $10,000 ring on a hand that belongs to a productive and intelligent working woman suggests self-indulgent exhibitionism.

Why not just duct-tape a $1,000 bill to your forehead if you want to call attention to yourself? Any ideas? -- Practical in Denver

Dear Practical: Before you pop the question, be absolutely sure you and your lady have a meeting of the minds on this subject. Candidly, from the tone of your letter you come across as rigid, opinionated and controlling. While you are entitled to your biases, if you marry an "intelligent and productive working woman," she should be able to decide for herself what kind of jewelry is appropriate.

Dear Abby: I am a divorcee, dating a man I will call "Jack," who has been separated from his wife for three years. We have known each other two years and have been intimate for 11 months now.

Jack says he isn't divorced because he doesn't want to "pay the cost" of one -- although he does have a separation agreement. He is very tight with money. I suspect he wants to avoid the stress of revealing our relationship to his former wife, who left him after 25 years of marriage.

I feel Jack is still living in the past, and I am considering ending the relationship because of it. -- Troubled in Toronto

Dear Troubled: You refer to Jack's wife as his "former" wife, but she isn't. They are still married, and whether Jack's reason for maintaining the status quo is financial or emotional, he isn't ready or willing to cut the strings.

It is time for a frank talk with your "wonderful, caring" lover because he has set a precedent for what you can expect in the future. And if this spells the end of the romance, I don't think you will have lost much.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Universal Press Syndicate