Pizza Hut Markets New Cheese Crust With Strange Talent

Journal Record, The (Oklahoma City), Apr 7, 1995 by Keith Marder

Albany Times Union

ALBANY, N.Y. _ It's 1995 and cheese is the enemy. It has been that way for years. Cheddar, Gouda, Munster. They all turn into the bad kind of cholesterol that leads to heart disease.

Now here comes Pizza Hut with yet more cheese. They're putting cheese in their pie crusts and encouraging customers to eat pizza backwards; that is, crust first.

To push the new product line, Pizza Hut has called on some, let's say, unconventional celebrity spokespeople. These aren't the type of people you'd usually see hawking consumer products.

In one of three TV commercials, Dennis Rodman with his tattoos, dyed hair and body piercings calls his straitlaced Naval Academy graduate San Antonio Spurs teammate, David Robinson, unusual for eating his pizza crust first.

In another spot, The Donald and Ivana Trump, who are reportedly donating their fee to charity, share a pie. She asks for the last slice and he answers she's only entitled to half. In the third, Rush Limbaugh discourses on how to eat pizza.

But why stop there? There are all kinds of characters who can push stuffed-crust pizza. Pizza Hut can start by contacting anyone who has been, or should have been, the subject of a made-for-TV movie.

Here are some examples and their script treatments:

Kato Kaelin: Wearing shorts and a T-shirt, hair looking just right. A white-gloved butler offers him a pizza on a silver platter. The butler informs Kato that his host suggests he eat the crust first.

Kaelin answers, "I'll, um, eat it like any way they want me to, as long as it's, um, free." He hears three thumps on the wall. Looks in that direction, smiles, shakes his head and takes a mouthful.

Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan: Nancy tells Tonya she refuses to eat the crust first. She argues that her fingers will get messy. Tonya pulls out a monkey wrench. Nancy relents and starts with the crust.

Tom Arnold and Roseanne: Together at the Tom and Roseanne Diner in Iowa, home of the "loose meat sandwich," they opt for pizza. Tom: "Rosie, we've even had pizzas tattooed on our butts." (He begins to pull down his pants, but the camera pans away in a hurry.) Roseanne: "We both love cheese, and that's why we eat the crust first."

They both turn around their slices to eat from the back and inhale them in one gulp.

John and Lorena Bobbitt: In their bedroom late at night, the only light is coming from a television set. In between the couple is a Pizza Hut pie. Lorena says she wants to eat the crust first. John grabs a knife and says, "Don't worry, dear, I'll cut the crust for you."

Joey Buttafuoco: At the Complete Auto Body Shop and Fender, Inc., his coveralls are filthy and his hands are greasy. The shop is decorated with pin-up posters. Buttafuoco says: "When you date high school babes, you eat a lot of pizza, and you've got to do it right." He goes on to advocate the crust-first method. In another room, Joey's wife Mary Jo overhears the entire monologue and shouts, "Joey, you'd better watch it."