Pen pals hail 4 decades of friendship

Deseret News (Salt Lake City), May 1, 2003 by Cathy FreeDeseret News columnist

Through first crushes, first dates, marriage, divorce and the arrival of grandchildren, the letters have never stopped appearing in Caryl Jensen's mailbox from a "very keen Girl Guide."

"Dear Caryl," began the first letter from Sheila May Whiteley in 1960, "I am 12, curly-haired, freckled, five feet tall and have big feet. I am very glad to have an American pen pal."

Forty-three years later, Caryl, a lifelong Girl Scout at age 54, is still elated whenever she spots a new letter or parcel postmarked from Portsmouth, England, and printed with Sheila's dainty writing.

"Even though it was 31 years until we actually met, Sheila's always been my best friend," she says. "Not everyone can say that about their pen pal."

Caryl pauses and smiles. "If they're lucky enough to have a pen pal to begin with."

Certainly, it is rare to find two people who have corresponded for as long as Caryl and Sheila. The pair have kept stationary suppliers in business for four decades, and now they're also staying in touch through e-mail.

Eager to share the story of their long-distance friendship, Caryl brought along a stack of Sheila's letters and photographs and met me for a Free Lunch of grilled salmon and Indian curry at Salt Lake City's Cafe Med.

"It's too bad that most kids with pen pals quit writing as they grow up," she says. "Besides teaching you how to write a letter and helping you with your spelling, it's a wonderful way to get to know somebody from the other side of the world. After a while, you realize you're really not that different."

Caryl was 12 when her Girl Scout leader in Midvale one day randomly handed out pen pal index cards to everyone in the troop. Sheila Whiteley's card mentioned that she liked swimming, roller skating and reading and was a keen Girl Guide, the equivalent in England of a Girl Scout.

"I wrote to her about my life and sent a picture, then kept checking the mailbox to see if she'd written back," recalls Caryl.

One day, there it was: A pale blue, tissue-thin envelope covered with "Air Mail" stickers and Queen Elizabeth stamps. "It was so exotic," says Caryl. "For a 12-year-old, it was quite the thing to get a letter from across the world."

Since then, the pair have shared even the smallest details of their lives, becoming such close friends that they might as well have lived next door instead of several thousand miles apart.

In 1963, Sheila sent Caryl a newspaper clipping about a new pop group called the Beatles, a year before they became popular in the United States. As girls, the two exchanged school schedules, vacation postcards, merit badge reports and top-secret details of first boyfriends and kisses.

Thanks to Sheila, Caryl learned that in England a vacation is called a holiday, an attorney is a solicitor and a diaper is a nappy. "I always had to go to the dictionary after getting one of her letters," she says. "It was quite an education."

Through the years, the friends have mailed each other Christmas gifts, graduation presents, wedding wishes and baby clothes, but it wasn't until 1991 that they finally met.

"We held hands and cried and cried," recalls Caryl, who has since been to England three times and enjoyed showing Sheila around Utah last year. "I guess you could say we're more like sisters than anything else.

"Every child should grow up with a pen pal," she adds, neatly folding Sheila's childhood letters. "Just putting pen to paper or fingers to a keyboard could add so much to their lives. They just might end up with a lifelong best friend."

Have a story? Let's hear it over lunch. E-mail your name, phone number and what you'd like to talk about to freelunch@desnews.com. You can also write me at the Deseret News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, UT 84110.