Cherish memories, wish bride and groom well

0 Comments | Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jun 13, 2003 | by Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: When I was in college 10 years ago, I experienced my first intimate relationship one summer with another student "Bill." When the fall semester rolled around, I learned that my randomly selected roommate in the dorm was an ex-girlfriend of Bill's. I'll call her April.

I did not tell April about my relationship with Bill because she was still getting over him. Our romance continued for several weeks, but Bill and I were careful to keep it from her.

As the weeks went by, April and I became closer. I finally cut all ties with Bill because of the loyalty I felt to my roommate. In the decade that followed graduation, I married and had a family. I lead a quiet life and I am content.

A few days ago, I received a phone call out of the blue from April. To my astonishment, she informed me that after all these years, she and Bill are back together and about to be married. She asked me to attend the wedding.

I never came clean with April about my relationship with Bill -- and I have no plans to. Knowing him, he never breathed a word of it to her, either.

I still hold both my ex-roommate and my ex-boyfriend close to my heart. They are an important part of my past. Would it be inappropriate to attend this wedding, considering the circumstances? - - Ex in a Tangled Web, Somewhere in Ohio

Dear Ex: You are older and happy, and so are they. The romance between you and Bill was over a long time ago. If you can go to the wedding and sincerely wish them both well, I see no reason not to attend.

Dear Abby: My live-in boyfriend, "Larry," carpools with me to work every day. We enjoy the benefits of sharing the hourlong commute -- the money we save on gas and maintenance, the commuter incentives offered by our workplace and each other's company.

The one thing I don't like is the fact that Larry is constantly late every morning -- which in turn makes me late. It's not as though he doesn't have plenty of time to get ready. After I've finished showering and dressing, Larry is still lying around in bed. Once he's up, he turns on the weather channel or checks his e-mail. By the time he finally showers and dresses, we're already running late. (His supervisor doesn't mind if he shows up around 10 a.m. However, I recently started a new job and am expected to be at my desk by 9 every morning.)

I've tried everything I can think of to get Larry to speed up his morning routine. I've joked, teased, nagged and begged. Now I've reached the point where I just sit on the couch and glare at him until he's ready to go. When I suggest we drive separately, he acts insulted. Is there some magic trick to convince my boyfriend of the importance of punctuality -- or should I bite the bullet and insist on making the hourlong commute by myself? -- Always Tardy in Southern California

Dear Always Tardy: Your boyfriend may not be a morning person, but the lack of consideration he shows for the demands of your job could have severe repercussions on your career.

Give him a deadline to get ready to leave. (Set the clock ahead if necessary.) If he's not ready to go, leave without him. I'll bet that you won't have to do it twice.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate