Extend one last olive branch to estranged sister-in-law

0 Comments | Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Dec 6, 2003 | by Annie's mailbox

Dear Annie: My husband, "Dawson," has one sister, "Liza." There always has been friction between them. Liza has not seen our 2-year- old daughter, "Cathy," in over a year, even though Liza is Cathy's godmother as well as her aunt.

Liza had a baby in the spring. Before the baby was born, my father- in-law, "George," informed me that his new wife was going to the baby shower. I never received an invitation. Despite this slight, Dawson visited Liza in the hospital when she had the baby.

A few weeks later, Dawson asked when it would be convenient to bring Cathy over to meet her new cousin. Liza told him her pediatrician wouldn't allow any small visitors until the baby was 6 months old. That was seven months ago, and we still haven't heard back from her.

Several weeks ago, George mentioned that he and his wife had attended the baby's christening, although that was the first we'd heard about it. Naturally, we are upset, but one other thing bothers me. George likes to cause trouble and may be playing a game I call "divide and conquer." It's quite possible Liza invited us verbally through George, but he decided not to mention it to us. If that's the case, we'd like to correct her misimpression.

I want to confront Liza and ask her why we were not invited to the christening. If she wants us out of her life, I'm more than happy to oblige. Dawson says enough is enough, and not to give her the opportunity to be rude to us again. Annie, what would you do? -- The Sister-Out-Law

Dear Sister: If Liza wanted you to be part of her life, she would have contacted you by now. However, there always is the possibility of a misunderstanding, especially with a father-in-law who likes to cause trouble.

You ought to clear the air. Buy a present for the new baby, and then call Liza and say, "We heard you had a christening, and we wanted to wish you well and drop off a baby gift." Then tell her you would like your families to be closer. Ask her point-blank if there is anything you have done to offend her. Her answer will let you know if you can drop the gift off in person or just stick it in the mail.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband has remarried, and I am on good terms with him and his new wife. Here's my question: If he should die before I do, is it acceptable for me to attend his funeral? He and I were together for 23 years, and we have a daughter we both adore. I would like to pay my last respects to him and also be supportive of our daughter. Is this appropriate? -- Kansas

Dear Kansas: Absolutely. Unless the funeral is by invitation only, or your presence would be terribly upsetting to the new wife, by all means go. It's nice that you consider him to be a friend.

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