12 days (gifts) for your true love

Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Dec 14, 2004 by Jody Genessy Deseret Morning News

For those of you not paying attention to the Santa Claus countdown calendar, today marks the annual kickoff of the mother lode of holiday hauls, officially known as "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

You probably already figured that out if you received a dozen drummers drumming or a partridge in a pear tree this morning.

And if you did, you really must have a true love. Inflation has taken quite the toll on the price of this present package since the carol debuted on the Top 40 Christmas Hits Chart centuries ago. According to PNC Bank advisors, the current bill for the 364 items mentioned in the song -- including all the lords-a-leaping, the geese- a-laying and the swans-a-swimming on multiple days -- is a whopping $66,334.

And you thought a sweater and perfume were expensive.

If you're on a budget and don't repeat the gifts -- for instance, you only give four calling birds on the fourth day instead of on nine different days -- the cost is a meager $17,296.91.

But don't feel too bad if you skimp this way, it is the thought that counts.

If you're still mulling over the perfect gift (or 12) for your true love, you might not choose to use "The Twelve Days of Christmas" as a literal list. In an unscientific study of shoppers in a downtown mall, the majority of those polled struggled to remember half the items from all the days. And they weren't mentioning them to Santa, either.

Days 5 and 9 were the noted exceptions.

"I think you'd like the nine ladies dancing," Allison Redman told her boyfriend, Vito Maiurano. "And I'd like the five golden rings."

Twaundella Taylor, in town for a convention from Chicago, chuckled when told that hummingbirds were not part of the traditional tune. She preferred her version which also included five diamond rings anyway.

"I am a woman after all," she said.

Timmy Anderson would prefer treasures from heaven, saying, "I'll take God's blessing."

He wouldn't turn down some gold rings, though. He is a man after all.

Karen Palmer's true love might get off easy. The South Jordan resident would opt for turtle doves because they depict the love she has for her family, she said. And if he doesn't buy her that, counting her wedding ring and bands, she's only two rings away from the suggested set of five.

"Thanks," said her husband, George. "You've solved my Christmas for me."

Some more present-solving solutions: Nine belly dancers from Kismet will cost $900 for a 45-minute performance; a partridge, OK, a button quail (who's gonna know the difference?) from Pet Village & Bird World in Bountiful will cost about $10 -- add another $50 for the Bartlett pear tree from Wasatch Shadows nursery; 10 lords-a- leaping (not real lords, but they've done Irish dancing so that counts for something) from Mountain West Ballet could run about $1,250, not including the price of tights and tunic; and Murdock Music Collective can hook you up with bagpipers for about $120 per performer.

Or you could choose to sway from tradition and celebrate redneck, Hawaiian or Utah Mormon versions of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," which would include gifts like five flannel sweaters, two coconuts and popcorn popping on the apricot tree.

The Palmers used to do their own type of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Each year, they picked a family in need and left a creative small gift (a homemade partridge, for example) or a treat (cookies and even a gingerbread house) on their porch for 12 straight nights. Somebody once did it for Karen's mother, and it really tickled her.

"She mentioned it in her life story," she said.

Give somebody three French hens, etc., and they'll probably have a similar reaction.

By the way, men who happened to glance at this on the way to the Sports section, relax, you still have a week and a half left before starting your last-minute shopping spree, otherwise known as "The Twelve-Hour Daze of Christmas Eve."

E-mail: jody@desnews.com