Hospital gown is hot topic

Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Feb 1, 2005 by Jeanne Phillips

Dear Readers: Believe it or not, I'm still getting mail regarding the letters I printed about hospital gowns. Some of them gave me a chuckle, and I thought I'd share them with you. So pour yourselves a cup of coffee or tea, sit back, and as they say, "Bottoms up!"

Dear Abby: Your column about hospital gowns reminded me of an item that appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Green Sheet years ago.

"Did you know that hospital gowns come in three sizes?

"Short, shorter and don't bend over!" -- A. Beyersdorf, Milwaukee

Dear A: No, but that sounds like good advice to me.

Dear Abby: After reading the letters about hospital gowns, I wondered if your readers know that the first hospital gown was designed by a man named Seymour Heiny. -- R. McA., Johnstown, Pa.

Dear R.: A true visionary.

Dear Abby: I am a nurse who works in intensive care. We have a saying where I work: "That's why they call it an I.C.U." -- Ken the RN

Dear Ken: And I'll bet you've seen more than your share.

Dear Abby: Feel free to use all or part of this story from my latest book, "The Dog Ate My 'Things to Do' List -- What a Good Dog!" A brief history of the hospital gown:

"There is the straitjacket, the bulletproof vest, the lead apron that wards off stray X-rays, and then there is the 'just put it on backward hospital gown.' Some say that Betty Barebottom invented this product. Betty, according to this account, wished to teach men two things. One: It isn't easy to wear a skirt and not expose your anatomy to a gawking world. Two: Men should understand how difficult it is to fasten things behind your back.

"Others claim that the designer of this impossible gown is a man named Seymour Butts. . . . Although he considers the hospital gown the culmination of his life's work, Seymour currently works as a fashion designer. His line of unusual designs bears the label 'Butt First.' " -- Dean Chapman, Concord, Calif.

Dear Dean: Whether Seymour's clothing line is famous or infamous is debatable, although no one can deny its popularity. The low-slung hip-hugger is "hot" from coast-to-coast regardless of the weather or the sex of the wearer. But that's another column.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate