Married couples advised to work at mastering '3 C's'

This year's Governor's Celebration of Marriage conference on Saturday was held at Cottonwood High School, which made for interesting parallel universes.

On one wall was a sign for the school's upcoming Valentine's Day dance. Down the hall was a smaller sign for a workshop called "Effective Problem Solving for Healthy Relationships."

The reality of marriage is that it requires some effort -- and an occasional marriage conference -- to remind the participants about what Melanie Reese, executive director of the Governor's Commission on Marriage, calls "the three C's: commitment, communication and conflict resolution." That's in addition to other important areas like "finances, parenting and in-laws," Reese adds.

This was the 13th annual Celebration of Marriage conference, which typically draws about 1,500 people. Most are couples, but single people come, too, Reese says. Most of this year's participants appeared to be in their 30s and 40s, although the conference also drew 21-year-old Jenilyn Needham, who came from Logan with her husband, Joseph, his brother James and James' wife, Shelbe.

Workshops ranged from Gary Willden's "You Should Work at Having Fun!" to "Conquering the 3 D's -- Death, Disability and Divorce," presented by Mike and Tami Schlappi.

Between them, says Mike Schlappi, he and Tami have had all three of those D's. Mike has been in a wheelchair since being accidentally shot by a friend when he was 15. He was the divorced father of three children when he met Tami, who had lost a husband to a brain tumor and a baby boy to heart disease.

"You have two alternatives," says Tami about being faced with obstacles like those. "To either accept it and move on, or to become bitter. We've chosen to do the first."

Workshop presenter Willden's advice is to make marriage more fun: to plan little getaways without the children, for example, and to find something -- travel, a hobby, service -- that you can do with your spouse. "If two people just do their own thing, it's awfully easy to grow apart," he says.

Most people who show up at marriage conferences already are intent on enriching their marriages, he says. "Sometimes we're preaching to the choir. Sometimes the people who need it the most don't show up."

Keynote speakers at this year's conference were Dr. Patricia Love, author of "Hot Monogamy," and former KSL editorial writer Don Gale and his wife, Doris, who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last June.

E-mail: jarvik@desnews.com

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