Does technology kill the romance?

Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Feb 26, 2005 by Annie's mailbox

Dear Annie: I've been dating "Tommy" for a little over a year, and he's just popped "The Question." I've known for months that he was going to propose, because he began talking about kids and our own place and our future. I am in love with this man, and I want to say yes, but here's the problem: We communicate a lot via MSN Messenger, and that's how he asked me. The technological age takes all the romance out of love.

I imagined a dozen other proposal scenarios, none of which involved the Internet. Each one included Tommy down on one knee with a ring. Now I'm not sure how to respond. I told two of my friends about the proposal. One wanted to tell him off, and the other said I'm making too much of it and that I should respond the way my heart feels.

I don't need some elaborate scheme. I just want a sweet, down-on- one-knee-with-a-ring proposal. How should I handle this? --Bride in Need

Dear Bride: Tommy loves you, and you love him. It's time to communicate better. Otherwise you will be disappointed constantly, since he will have no idea what you want.

We think Tommy proposed in this fashion because he wasn't sure he could work up the courage to do it in person. Reply, saying you will give him your answer when you can gaze romantically into his eyes. If you really need him to appear with a ring, you can add, "I can't wait to see the ring," although we're pretty certain he doesn't have one yet. We say, if you want to marry the guy, you should accept the proposal, regardless of how it's made. The rest is just window- dressing.

Dear Annie: Please help me find a response for those ignorant people, mostly women, who keep asking me, "When are you due?"

I am 27, slightly overweight, though not obese, and carry some excess weight around my mid-section. However, I am NOT pregnant, not married, and I never know what to say to this question, especially since it happens quite frequently. It is always such a downer. I am sensitive about my size, having been slightly overweight my whole life, although I eat healthy and exercise regularly.

People need to know this is NOT an appropriate question to ask, regardless of how obviously pregnant a woman is, unless you know for sure. --Not Pregnant, Just Fat, in Connecticut

Dear Not Pregnant: One should never assume a woman is pregnant, no matter how big she appears. Considering how often this happens, you'd think people would have more sense. Simply fix them with an icy stare and reply, "I'm not pregnant, but thanks for bringing it to my attention." That ought to keep them quiet for a while.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Afraid in Florida," the mom who worried about her 15-year-old son, "Mark," who dresses like a freak.

I'm a young woman who constantly receives cat-calls of "Hey, it's not Halloween!" and "Where's the funeral?" I commend Mark for having the courage to dress how he chooses. Even more, I applaud his mother for accepting his choices.

However, she shouldn't worry so much about her son being beaten up or not getting a job. From personal experience, I can tell her he probably receives little more than ridiculous comments from people too shallow to focus on the great person he is, and who see only his outward appearance. Since he's lucky enough to have good family support, those little barbs will do nothing but make him stronger.

His mother should worry only about continuing to show love and support for her son, and he'll be just as productive and successful in life as any other child would be. --The Voice of Experience in Michigan

Dear Voice: Thanks for your words of encouragement. Here's more:

From California: My youngest wears high-top tennis shoes, unusual colors with funky toe socks, and her hair is blue and purple. She makes her own skirts and wallets out of duct tape. She doesn't always match, but that's who she is. People say she must be causing me lots of grief, but they are wrong. My daughter is an honor student, loves school and God, and is reliable and fun. She also has changed the way I see other kids who dress differently. In the past, I judged them and assumed they were problem kids. Not anymore. What a cool lesson for my daughter to teach me.

Wisconsin: I have a 15-year-old daughter who dresses Goth style. Her hair is short and spiky with the back dyed black, and long tendrils of bangs dyed bright red. I want her to be free to express who she is. Changing the way she dresses in order to please the general public would be a sign of low self-esteem. That mother should be proud of her son, no matter what others think.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to www.anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.