Rock on ...

0 Comments | Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jan 23, 2007 | by Brad Rock Deseret Morning News

Do the math

Michael Vick, a k a Ron Mexico, was in the news for something other than football again last week.

The Falcons quarterback with the flamboyant pseudonym was investigated for possessing what airport security thought was marijuana.

A police report said he was asked to discard a water bottle at a Miami International Airport checkpoint. When he appeared reluctant, a TSI screener retrieved the bottle and said she found a secret compartment filled with a dark substance that smelled suspiciously like the evil weed.

But by Monday, the Associated Press was reporting that no charges would be filed; lab tests showed no indication of drugs. Which in a strange way is disappointing. It would have made a great seventh- grade math question: If a famous football player is 26 years old, and has a $130 million contract over 10 years, and gets busted for trying to carry $300 worth of weed onto an airplane, what is his I.Q.?

What's my line?

Tim Horton is a bass fisherman -- and a good one. He was once named Angler of the Year.

Never heard of him? Well, Tim Hortons has.

Seems the fisherman is in, well, hot water with the coffee-and- doughnut chain by the same name.

Horton has been selling DVDs, lures and T-shirts with his name. Now the doughnut chain store says Horton the man is infringing on Hortons the doughnut maker.

So if your name is Kenny Rogers or Marie Callender, forget about selling any T-shirts or DVDs. Otherwise, you could be hearing from their attorneys.

You know that Jim Croce song "I Got a Name?"

Yeah, well, so might someone else.

Dubious investments

Until the New Orleans Saints lost on Sunday, Merritt Lane and his wife were having the last laugh.

The Saints season-ticket holders since 1967 were regularly mocked over the years for keeping their tickets.

"When people would find out we had season tickets since the beginning, they'd call us Dumb and Dumber," Lane told the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Longtime Saints ticket holders, huh? Don't look for criticism from me.

I bought season tickets to the Utah SnowBears.

In a sprint

Calorically challenged Charles Barkley recently claimed he could outrun 67-year-old NBA referee Dick Bavetta. (Bavetta, you'll recall, is the guy many Jazz fans blame for the team's 1998 loss to Chicago in Game 6 of the NBA Finals.)

Please. It wouldn't even be a contest. Bavetta would win a footrace with Barkley by yards.

Did you see how fast he ran up the tunnel after that game in '98?

E-mail: rock@desnews.com