Dad strives to be there for daughter

0 Comments | Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jun 21, 2009 | by Lana Groves Deseret News

While other children were playing video games or watching TV, John Garcia was baby-sitting his siblings at the early age of 5.

Garcia said his parents consisted of his mother and stepfather -- an abusive man who was often away from home -- and that they would stay out late at nightclubs, leaving their kids alone.

"I felt like I never got to have a childhood," said Garcia, now 49. "I wanted to get away from my stepdad, so I started doing drugs, started robbing. Young people today just want to be accepted by somebody, and if parents don't provide that, the kids will look to the streets and gangs."

And years later Garcia has children of his own that he wants to be a strong role model for, but with a custody battle looming ahead, the West Valley resident might see less of them.

"I didn't meet my dad till I was 12 years old. He promised he would keep in contact with me, but he didn't," Garcia said. "I want to be there for my kids."

Five of Garcia's six children are grown and living in California, but his 9-year-old daughter, Gabriela, who lives in Utah with him, is in the middle of a custody battle between Garcia and his soon-to- be ex-wife.

Garcia brought Gabriela with him to the 100th Father's Day Anniversary organized by the Fathers and Families Coalition of America on Thursday, trying to do everything with the little girl whom he considers his whole life.

Despite custody concerns, Garcia keeps taking fatherhood and nurturing classes offered by the coalition in the hopes that he can be a better dad to his kids.

The program offers typically mother-oriented classes to fathers in the community so they, too, can learn new techniques in regard to rearing their offspring.

"Gender roles are changing in our country; it's becoming more of a balance in parenting," said Angela Romera, program coordinator at the Sorenson Unity Center, which hosted the event. "Mothers are working full time, and fathers are taking a more nurturing role."

And Frank Bordello, state director of the Fathers and Families Coalition, plans to expand programs in Utah offering resources for single and co-parent fathers to prevent domestic violence, child abuse and gangs. Children growing up without their fathers are twice as likely to drop out of high school, according to a National Center for Health Statistics survey on child health.

Multiple studies show that youths are at a higher risk of developing drinking and smoking habits, substance abuse or getting in trouble with the law.

Despite statistics indicating the need for both parents taking an active interest in their children's lives, only 13 states in the U.S. have fatherhood initiatives, Bordello said.

"It's the stereotype that fathers are the breadwinners and mothers stay at home," Romero said. "But the old family structure is changing."

For Garcia, he just wants to raise his daughter to be a good person and "keep out of trouble" by being a role model for her.

"Fathers play a very important role. Kids look up to dad," he said. "And as parents, we have to be careful what we say and do. Eyes are always watching."

E-MAIL: lgroves@desnews.com