Focus to sit-com: Don't make us slap you!

0 Comments | Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Aug 27, 2000 | by Rich Tosches

In recent months, since alerting us to the fact that Satan wrote the Harry Potter books, Focus on the Family has shunned the spotlight, opting to concentrate quietly on its true mission:

Snapping the legs off the little plastic fish some villagers put on the backs of their cars.

(On the back of my 1972 Pinto, I stuck a real fish that I got from Monument Lake.)

Now Focus is back with a blistering attack on the TV comedy, "Will and Grace," which is about gay people. One episode, according to Focus: "ruthlessly denigrated the thousands of men and women who have successfully left homosexuality."

Note: The danger of leaving homosexuality was illustrated last week when Anne Heche was dumped by comedian Ellen DeGeneres and began wandering aimlessly around California, knocking on strangers' doors. Ellen, as I understand it, was out with the boys, riding her Harley.

It's even tougher to leave homosexuality on United Airlines these days, because you can get hopelessly stranded on Concourse A. Or C. Or D. Or AC-DC.

First, we must define what an "ex-gay" person is. Here's an example: Bob was a cheerleader for his high school football team but, thanks to a Focus on the Family seminar, now wants to get into the game and actually catch a pass. Or be the center.

Anyway, in the May 2 episode of "Will and Grace," a gay man goes to a meeting of an ex-gay ministry and seduces the group's leader. (Experts say the accepted treatment for homosexual relapse involves sending the patient to a monster truck rally. Hospitalization is required if he stops to ask for directions on the way to the track.)

Focus "Gender Specialist" Mike Haley - his Gender Research Department is close to a major breakthrough in the area of Michael Jackson - sent an angry letter to "Will and Grace" Executive Story Editor Jon Kinnally, asking for a meeting. Here's an actual excerpt:

"Hopefully, it will encourage you to think twice before ridiculing the belief systems of those who differ from you."

Because we all know what Focus stands for: Tolerance.

Kinnally sent back an actual letter saying he'd be excited to meet Haley, adding (I'm not kidding): "I'm 6'1", brown hair, green eyes and I'm into rollerblading, baking cookies and cleaning up afterwards."

It was a joke from a comedy writer. However, the day Focus laughs at that kind of thing is the day its Board of Directors dresses up as the Village People for Halloween.

More from Haley, a former gay who's now a Republican:

"The show grossly misrepresented thousands of individuals ... specifically, references to former homosexuals as members of 'cults.'"

As I understand it, the use of the word "cults" made the 1,300 Focus on the Family employees so mad their hands began to tremble. Which caused them to nick themselves during the morning head-shaving ritual.