Swimming pool would have been better target

0 Comments | Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Oct 9, 2002 | by Jim Bainbridge

A man was charged with criminal mischief last week after he attempted - with a spectacular lack of success - to bungee jump from the Lions Gate Bridge in Vancouver, B.C., onto the deck of a passing cruise ship. William Dean Sullivan miscalculated the ship's speed and suffered minor head injuries Sunday when he bounced off its tennis court, volleyball net and a deck railing, before being left dangling in mid-air as the ship sailed away, Vancouver police said. "There were shrieks of horror from down below. I guess the people saw him coming, you know, on the ship. I guess he missed," witness Kate Hill told the Vancouver Sun.

A MAN WITH A DREAM: Rickey Henderson was asked by the Cleveland Plain Dealer to identify the toughest pitcher he's faced. The 43- year-old Red Sox outfielder named Colorado Springs' Goose Gossage. "I think I faced him eight times, and he probably struck me out eight times. I told him, 'When we meet in an old-timers' game, I'm going to get a hit off you, stop the game and retrieve the ball.'"

TODAY'S DEEP THOUGHT: "Some people are born on third base," says former Oklahoma football coach Barry Switzer, "and go through life thinking they hit a triple."

GROANS-R-US: Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel heard this story about two kayakers who were severely chilled, "but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank - proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too."

CAREER GONE TO POT: "Cops find pot residue in Randy Moss' ashtray," says Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, "and Moss is baffled. Who would have done such a thing to him? Moss vows to devote the rest of his life to finding the real stoners."

HOW CAN SAN FRANCISCO COMPETE WITH THIS? David Letterman's "Top Ten Reasons to Hold The 2012 Olympics In New York" include "Cab drivers already speak every foreign language," "Opening ceremonies theme 'What Are You Lookin' At?'" "Heavily polluted air cancels effects of illegal performance-enhancing drugs" and "Chance to introduce new Olympic mascot: Rocky The Rat."

BETTER KEEP AN EYE ON THE DISNEYLAND PARKING LOT: Brad Radke and two other Minnesota Twins mistakenly took the BART train to Berkeley instead of Oakland before Game1 against the A's last week. "We've had guys go to the Astrodome, where they don't even play games anymore," first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz told the San Francisco Chronicle. "We've had guys go to Shea Stadium when we were playing at Yankee Stadium. You realize we haven't got the smartest group of guys."

TAKING PRECAUTIONS: Some of the baseball playoffs are on ABC Family which Bob Hille of The Sporting News says explains the "seven- second delay on the field mikes."

AND FINALLY: Headline from the online edition of the Ironic Times - "Barry Bonds's 73rd Home Run Ball Worth Millions, Say Experts ... Meanwhile, his 72nd home run ball is on public assistance."

- Culled from the international news wires, cyberspace and the corner coffee shop.