Battle of the (super) bands/ KISS defeats Aerosmith for rock

0 Comments | Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Sep 26, 2003 | by BILL REED

Two of hard rock's most storied bands are coming together Tuesday night on the Fiddler's Green stage.

To the dismay of the KISS Army, Aerosmith is the closing act on this tour, relegating KISS to opening-band status for the first time since Ford was in the White House.

"I know both bands have said there is no rivalry," writes webmaster "John B." on Aerosmith.com, "but it seems like the 'Bad Boys from Beantown' have added a little extra cayenne pepper to the chili."

Some reviewers say there's no competition on this tour. "KISS was just good enough to be Aerosmith's warm-up," wrote Sean Piccoli of the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel.

But who wants to live in the now when we can dote on rock history?

Here's a breakdown of KISS and Aerosmith in seven rockin' categories:

1. Tongues. This comes down to a mano a mano battle between KISS' Gene Simmons and Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. Tyler possesses a remarkable (and somewhat frightening) pair of lips, and he's well- endowed in the tongue department.

But Simmons, with his snake-like tongue muscle dripping with fake blood, simply cannot be beaten.

Winner: KISS

2. Fashion Sense. Again, Aerosmith puts up a valiant fight. Tyler's trademark scarves around the mic stand are cool, and the band members' ability to wear leather pants into their 50s is admirable.

But how can anyone top the violent drag-queen look that KISS perfected in the '70s heyday of glitter rock? The long hair, the black-and-white makeup, the armor and the fire-breathing stage personas are the ultimate in hard-rock kitsch and probably make KISS the most visually imitated band on the planet . . . even if Paul Stanley kinda looks like the pretty daughter of Gene Simmons.

Winner: KISS

3. Merchandising: No contest. The KISS Army is made up of suckers for KISS stuff, and Simmons is a merchandising genius. KISS figurines grace mantles across the nation, and the KISS logo has been plastered on nearly every product imaginable. You can even celebrate the circle of life with KISS condoms and a "KISS Kasket" - for when that rockin' and rollin' all night finally catches up with you.

Winner: KISS

4. Best song: In one corner is "Rock and Roll All Nite," not only one of rock's enduring classics, but the definition of a lifestyle and the genesis of a great catch phrase. In the other corner is "Walk This Way." It was a kickin' party tune when it came out in 1976, but when Aerosmith revamped the song with Run-D.M.C. it marked the beginning of raprock fusion.

Winner: tie

5. Best catalog of songs: Besides "Rock and Roll All Nite," KISS sang the stirring ballad "Beth" and a whole string of thudding hard rockers ("Shout it Out Loud," "I Was Made for Lovin' You," "Detroit Rock City," "Calling Dr. Love," "Rocket Ride," "Psycho Circus.")

But Aerosmith has 'em beat with a list of memorable songs that goes on and on: "Sweet Emotion," "Dream On," "Toys in the Attic," "Back in the Saddle," "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)," "Angel," "Rag Doll," "Love in an Elevator," "Janie's Got a Gun," "Cryin'," "Amazing," "Crazy," "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." You get the picture.

Winner: Aerosmith

6. Rockitude: Aerosmith is cool, but there always was something a little bit wussy about them. At first, they were dubbed Rolling Stones imitators. Later, they seemed a bit too perfect for the power ballad radio of the late '80s. KISS, on the other hand, always seemed to be the bad-asses of arena rock (even if Simmons was born Chaim Witz and claims to have never used drugs or alcohol or smoked).

Sure, they haven't aged well, but the pyro and blood and makeup appeal to the wild little boy (or girl) in all of us. The music is always heavy, even when it isn't good. Simmons, Stanley, Ace Frehley (who is being replaced by Tommy Thayer on this tour) and Peter Criss are completely over the top, and that's why we love them so. As Chuck Klosterman writes, "KISS made a few million kids want to pick up guitars and pretend to be someone they're not. And that is rock 'n' roll, 99 percent of the time."

Winner: KISS

7. Career longevity: Aerosmith and KISS both broke it big in 1975. Both bands did well in the 1970s - though, it must be said, KISS absolutely owned the '70s. And both bands had it rough in the early '80s. Aerosmith dropped off into drug abuse, and KISS' albums didn't even go gold.

Then both bands were saved by the revival of big rock. KISS' album sales never have fully recovered, but their tours have been huge. KISS, however, also suffered several embarrassments on the level of Spinal Tap's Stonehenge fiasco. Only KISS Army sycophants can see the band as anything other than camp in 2003.

Aerosmith, on the other hand, keeps turning out hit singles, keeps selling tons of records, and seems to be getting cooler with age. The band plans to release an all-blues album in 2004, which is the classiest way for a blues-rock band to age.

There's a reason Aerosmith is headlining this show.

Winner: Aerosmith

Overall score:

KISS takes it, 4-2-1

THE DETAILS

Aerosmith and KISS in concert

Opener: Saliva

Where: Fiddler's Green, 6350 Greenwood Plaza Blvd.