Chun King's got nothing on this

Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Apr 30, 2004 by RALPH MILLIS THE GAZETTE

I know I'm not the only one who remembers Chun King Chicken Chow Mein from way back in the Pleistocene era, about the time everybody liked Ike and loved Lucy?

It came in a cardboard box holding two cans -- one threequarters full of settled, broken crispy noodles, the other hiding strange "un- American" vegetables, nuked into soft, gummy submission -- that straddled a teeny bottle of something called "soy" sauce.

Your mom toasted the noodles, boiled the veggies and liquid, dumped the mess together, poured over the dark, mystery sauce and -- voil! -- Chinese food!

If you were a kid like me, a baby boomer in a nouveau middleclass family, it was the first Chinese food you ever had tasted.

Years, decades, have passed, and this truth still stands unchallenged: A man never forgets his first time with a water chestnut.

See, I have this theory that the ghastly Chun King chow mein of a half-century ago primed the pump for the appearance of the modern, ubiquitous Chinese takeout with all those little boxes that tip over with just a look and leak all over the fridge when you go to raid them for a cold breakfast the next morning. I can name at least eight Chinese takeout places within 10 minutes of where I'm sitting; I can think of only six burger joints.

I'm being serious now: Because good takeout food of any persuasion has to stand up to reheating, Chinese takeout food (overwhelmingly Cantonese) with its wheelbarrow-loads of stir-fried vegetables both familiar and not, boned and bite-sized meats, and sauces by Sherwin- Williams ("We cover the world") is almost the prototype of takeout. So much so that some people see an equal sign between Chinese takeout and Chinese food in general.

'Taint so. A whole range of drier, less saucy Chinese dishes never show up on takeout menus.

The result is that the food lists at places such as the Mandarin Bistro are full of a lot of old friends and familiar tastes: things we can eat endlessly without having to toss in the towel... or, rather, paper napkin.

I'm not blowing smoke: The Mandarin Bistro dishes up the best Chinese takeout I've tasted in a long while. The food's not fancy, and it's not classical cuisine, but it survives the trip to your house nicely, thank you, and you don't feel cheated.

The Mandarin Bistro is located in a small, clean shopping center storefront; it sports four tables, but they're mostly for show. The kitchen area is four to five times the size of the Place-Your-Order- Here and dining area; this is a good sign.

Recommendation: Call ahead, place your order, then get there and pick everything up about 15 minutes later (the kitchen is unbelievably fast and efficient), or spoil yourself and have them deliver everything while you're busy watching the WWE.

Pick from the following, or hit some of the many other menu selections:

Plain Chicken Wings ($2.95 for 6) -- For purist fry-freaks, they're indeed plain, but very meaty. You can dunk them in a couple of different kinds of sauce.

Sesame Chicken Wings ($3.95 for 6) -- These are supposedly hot and spicy with a nice glaze and sesame seeds sprinkled over. A decidedly non-heat-seeking kid in our group said they were "neat" (whatever that means).

Chicken Skewers ($4.25 for 6) -- A Chinese version of white meat teriyaki; unusually moist, better than other takeout versions.

Beef Skewers ($4.25 for 6) -- If you like the flavor of fivespice powder, you'll love these. They taste like ones I've eaten in Hong Kong food stalls.

Fried Crab Chicken Wontons ($3.95 for 8) -- They're called Crab Rangoon in most places, and in most places I don't care for them. Here, they're good: big, crunchy and without the familiar cream cheese aftertaste. Dip in sweet-sour sauce.

Hong Kong Combination Noodle Soup ($4.25, easily will serve four people) -- This is a mild, subtle, stunningly good soup loaded with beef, chicken, barbecued pork, shrimp and leaf vegetables still crisp and green. A slight taste of star anise got me all excited.

Moo Goo Gai Pan ($6.95) -- The most chicken I've seen, proportionately, in this dish. Short on snow peas, though. A typically bland dish, somewhat blander than usual here. The chef includes bits of chicken skin in the dish; very authentic.

Kung Pao Beef ($7.50) -- Tender beef slices and crunchy vegetables (bamboo shoots, etc.) that actually work as a microwave-zapped leftover. This beef dish usually is quite spicy, but even though you can spy dried red peppers here and there, Mandarin Bistro's version is comparatively mild.

Mongolian Pork ($7.25) -- Many slices of barbecued pork, almost too many, in fact (it truly pains me to have to say that). A really nice, velvety sauce with fresh vegetables; ask for extra red pepper heat when you order.

Cashew Chicken ($6.95) -- Not as many cashews as you're probably expecting, because a pound or so of stir-fried, boneless chicken crowded them out. If a vegetable grows in China, it shows up here.

Shrimp with Chili Sauce ($8.50) -- Lots of medium shrimp stir- fried with onions, carrots and a spicy, slightly ketchupy sauce. Good, especially if you request extra heat.