End came too soon, much too suddenly

Milwaukee Journal, The, Jan 1, 1995 by LIZ KLINGER

He was shy, nice. A macaroni and cheese man. He knew his sheepshead.

He was a brilliant student, an honors graduate of Rufus King High School in 1988, and of Carroll College earlier this year.

He was a convert to Mormonism, and spent two years on mission in Argentina. After graduate school in the American studies program at George Washington University, he had plans to work with the government to help the people he learned to love in South America.

But he had another plan that no one knew about: a plan to kill himself.

With that plan, Steven Ray Rabideaux joined a host of Americans 30,810 in 1991, the most recent figure available who kill themselves.

On Dec. 23, in his family home in Milwaukee, after taking a shower and doing a load of laundry so there wouldn't be any dirty clothes left for his mother, Rabideaux, 24, placed a surgical mask and plastic bag over his face and secured it with a rubber band. In his room, he had left his family a four-page, typed, double-spaced letter that his mother, Sandra, gave to The Journal in the hopes that others might learn from her family's tragedy.

Rabideaux's letter resembled a methodically researched term paper that called for an end to the feelings of hopelessness, depression and loneliness. Life, he had concluded, was not something he was very good at.

"I came to the conclusion that it's easier just not to dream. Unfortunately, a life with no dreams or hopes for the future isn't much of a life, and so in October I decided I would leave the `living' to those who actually know how to do it."

Yet, to those who knew him, or thought they knew him, Rabideaux knew how to live if anyone did. Here is how they saw him:

Linnea Breese, who dated him after they met at the Milwaukee Ward Chapel of the Mormon Church, where she headed a group of young adults and where she elbowed her way into his life. Rabideaux carefully chose his confidants, she said.

She recalled when they went to see "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective." "We just laughed our guts out. He had it in him. He just had to know how to get it out of him. You just had to hit the right chord to get it out of him, and if you knew him it wasn't hard."

David Block, associate professor of geography and head of the department at Carroll College, who taught Rabideaux in four classes, offered this description: "A true student, a steady performer, very thorough, quiet, personable, well-liked, diligent."

In 16 years of teaching undergraduates, Block said, he encountered perhaps two or three other students of comparable quality. He said, "If you had a class full of Steves, you almost wouldn't need other compensation."

Sandra Rabideaux, his mother, with whom he lived when he was in Milwaukee: "Steven had so many friends that loved him."

James Rabideaux, his father. (The parents were divorced in 1989): "He was a fine kid. I was astonished last night {at the funeral} at the fine people he chose to leave."

Mary Ellen Gannon, his landlady in the northwest section of the District of Columbia, called him "so considerate that he would fold the laundry someone else had left in the dryer." In his desk at her home, Rabideaux left money to pay the rent through February, as he said, "to give her some time to find a new tenant."

Duane Bishop, bishop of the Milwaukee Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who did the paperwork for Rabideaux's two-year mission in Argentina and who counseled him when he returned: "Steve was outstanding in loving and serving. Everyone who met him or had associations with him felt that core of goodness." Life as a Missionary

Late in his high school years, Rabideaux became a convert to the Mormon faith. After attending Carroll College on scholarship for two years, he went to Argentina as a missionary to share what he had found with others.

From Argentina, Steven wrote to his family more than 80 times mini-travelogues offering lessons in Spanish phrases, describing the culture and all its different peoples, asking about his family, including three older brothers, Kyle, now 28, Calvin, 27, and Gregg, 26, ending his letters in "I love you."

On April 5, 1990, he wrote, "Just a year ago I was in college working at Pick 'n Save. Now I'm in Argentina bringing people unto Christ what a contrast."

Meanwhile, letters to his friend Breese expressed concern over conditions in Argentina.

"It affects you," she said of the mission experience. "It's a whole different world."

By the time Rabideaux returned home in late fall of 1991 to finish his schooling at Carroll, he was wrestling with some personal problems, concerns he shared with his friend Breese and also with his bishop.

They spoke of depression, "but I never felt with Steve that suicide was an issue we had to deal with," Bishop said. Withdrew From Church Life

However, Bishop watched with concern as the young man withdrew from the congregation where his mother said he had found true happiness.

Academically, he completed work on a double major in Spanish and geography and won admission to the American studies program at George Washington University, with scores on the Graduate Record Exam in the 90th percentile.