WAR ON IRAQ - half time update

AdMedia, Apr 11, 2003 by Peter Vegas

The rules of war: There's been complaints from both sides about the way the world's newest sport is being played out, so it was only a matter of time before people with a little more experience in the field stepped up to lend some assistance. It is rumoured that the ARL has offered to send Bill Harrigan to oversee the rest of the game, teamed with third umpire assistance from embedded journalists.

Auto Watch: Car enthusiasts are said to be less than thrilled with Gulf War 2. Remember it was the 1st Gulf War that acted as the launch for the now legendary Humvee. Car fans everywhere eagerly awaited Part 2 with the expectation of a new-millennium edition of the Humvee but this has failed to eventuate. It seems there have been few changes to the 2003 model. While the manufacturer points out there are new gas mask clips behind the seats and a heads-up display system for use when backing, they admit that the chassis is essentially the same.

Action on the water: But if things are much the same in the desert there's a real buzz in the water with the introduction of the US Navy's newest recruit. Flipper is back folks, and this time he's pissed off. The mammal with attitude has shelved acting and has learned to clear mines so the aid ships can get into Iraq. That was plan B. The first, slightly less-PC, plan was to simply train dolphins to swim into the ports and use their highly developed sonar to locate hungry people. These 'finned' ready-to-eat meals could have been the first step in the Hearts, Minds & Stomachs campaign that will be so important in Gulf War 2 - The Sequel.

Coming up in the next Gulf War update: Is Tommy Franks up to the job? We expose the real reason Stormin' Norman turned down the chance to direct the sequel. Sources inside Hollywood say the star director of Gulf War 1 told the studios he was sick of being typecast as the war guy and wants to direct a musical based on the death of the Princess of Whales.